Monday, February 22, 2010

Another "Only in Florida" Story

In late May 2009 I drove down 17th Avenue in Sarasota enroute to Ed Smith Stadium to watch a baseball game. The time was about 6:30 p.m. and it had just started to rain lightly. When I reached the intersection of 17th and Lockwood Ridge Avenue I saw a woman jogging on the sidewalk going east on 17th as I headed west. She was dressed in running shoes, socks, and very tight shorts - and nothing more.

Yup. That's right. She was out jogging topless (and in case you wondered, they were likely 34Ds). When I saw her I thought I had seen the craziest thing I'd ever see in Florida.

That was until tonight.

At about 6:00 p.m. on Sunday night I arrived at the intersection of Honore Avenue and University Parkway. A Volkswagen Beetle was stopped in the left most lane of the two left turn lanes. There was a space of about 3 car lengths ahead of this car with no vehicles in the space.

I pulled up in the right lane and because of cars in front of me I was stopped directly adjacent to the VW.

As almost everyone does when you pull up next to a car at an intersection, I turned my head to the left to check out whomever was next to me.

When I glanced over, I immediately noticed two things. First, this person had the passenger and rider side windows rolled down. The second thing I saw as I looked through the rolled down windows was the driver masturbating.

Yup. No kidding. He was wanking away like there was no tomorrow and he was totally oblivious to me seeing him. The look on his face suggested he was fantasizing about a sheep, but you never know.

The scene tonight immediately beat the topless woman running down 17th Avenue. I sincerely doubt anyone anywhere in this state is going to beat the Roadside Wanker and do anything more strange. Of course this is Florida so anything is possible.


  1. I've still got you beat with the naked guy on Tuttle one July evening. No apparent reason for him to be nekkid - no irate husband chasing or anything like that, just apparently out for a stroll sans garments, shoes and sunglasses!

  2. Did this guy look like a shepard in a volkswagon?
    inquiring minds want to know.

  3. HAHA ... I saw that once too. Stopped at a light at 3am on San Vincente & Beverly Blvd in LA ...
    This guy never expected a car full of guys and girls to pull up next to him.

    He was oblivious until he turned his head to the left. We roared ... He Freaked!

    We followed him for a few blocks. He was so freaked he was driving like a lunatic.

    It was hysterical and creepy at the same time.