'Twas The Night of The Indictment

I dreamed up this contemporary version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' while cooking breakfast this morning. What do you think?

'Twas the Night of the Indictment' by Henry Gibson

'Twas the night of the indictments when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even the Orange louse,

The stockings were hung by the chimney in fear, that Saint Robert Mueller soon would be here.

The tRump children were all nestled snug in their beds while visions of Federal Marshals danced through their heads.

And Melania still naked and tRump with the clap, had just settled down for a short winter nap.

When out on the South Lawn there arose such a clatter, Cadet Bone Spurs sprang from bed to see what was the matter.

Away from the window he slithered like the mob, tore open the shutters and threw up that night's hash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, gave the luster of The Apprentice to objects below.

When what to his wondering eyes should appear, but a large black SUV and 8 FBI cars.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

"Now Whittaker and Rosenstein, Now Comey, Who's the hot vixen? On Cohen and Roger and Blunder and Flynn.

To the top of the porch there will never be a wall. Now grab his fat ass and dash away all.

So up to the the Penn Avenue entrance his coursers they flew, with a box full of indictments and Saint Mueller too.

And then in a twinkling I heard above the laughter, the prancing and pawing of a military chopper!

As I drew in my head and was turning around, through the front door St. Mueller came with a bound.

He was dressed in all black, from head to foot, and his clothes were all tarnished from slime on the stoop.

A bundle of indictments was flung on his back, and I swear he had an erection as he opened his pack.

His eyes how they twinkled, his straight face so scary, his droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow.and the look on tRump's fat face was as white as the snow.

A pair of fresh testicles he held in his teeth, and they swung like a pendulum instead of a wreath.

He had a narrow face and a six-pack belly, hardened by years of avoiding the Telly.

He was lean and mean, a Marine for life, and I'd laugh when I saw him but I'd probably shit myself.

The smile on his face and how he held his head, soon told tRump he had absolutely everything to dread

He spoke not a word but went straight to work, "This one's for Junior, and this one for Pence, and I have 30 here for you, you jerk.

After giving tRump the finger he called for reinforcements, the Secret Service and FBI broke down the door with excitement.

Mueller sprung to his SUV and to his team gave a whistle, then I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight.

Happy Indictments you putz, I hope I ruined your night.

First Assignment for Shark Conservation Diver Class

Several people have already signed up for the Shark Conservation Diver certification course next February and March and I am betting that all 16 spaces will be filled in the next couple of weeks.  That said, if you are already in the class or anticipating enrolling soon, I wanted to give your first class assignment.  

Aldo Leopold was the father of Wildlife Biology.  He was the first professor of wildlife biology at the University of Wisconsin and is generally regarded as the cornerstone of environmental ethics in the wold to this day. He died in April, 1948, at 62 years old while fighting a prairie fire on his neighbors land in southern Wisconsin.  Only a few weeks later his now monumental book "A Sand County Almanac" was published.  Unfortunately Leopold never saw it in print.

Leopold's eloquent way of describing complex biological principles was one of the things that guided me for most of my 31 year career as a wildlife biologist.

The book begins with his recounting of the annual cycle of the earth from January through December.  He describes the awakening of the earth in spring and the pulse of spring migration, the growth of summer and the senescence of fall and early winter.  He then has a series of environmental essays designed to not only make you think but to also appreciate what you have around you.

Two of those essays have had a profound impact on me and I want you to read one of them for the Shark class.  I want you to read the whole book but pay particular attention to his essay "Thinking Like a Mountain."  In it Leopold describes the day, with great glee, that he and some comrades shot and killed a female wolf in the mountains of southwestern New Mexico.  His words "We reached the old wolf in time to see a fierce green fire dying in her eyes" have haunted me ever since I first read this book.  The essay goes on to describe how people think that the best thing that could ever happen to an ecosystem is to remove the apex predators.

However as Leopold points out, when the apex predators are gone from an ecosystem, that ecosystem is quickly imperiled and frequently collapses.  Our class is about sharks not wolves, but in the ocean sharks are the apex predator.  Too many people want to eliminate them for foolish, ill-informed reasons and they do so without thinking of the consequences of what their demise might do to the rest of the ecosystem.  Granted sharks aren't wolves and wolves aren't sharks but the ecological principle is the same.

So, if you have an extra $10 sitting around burning a hole in your wallet go to Amazon.com or some other source and order a copy of A Sand County Almanac then read it from cover to cover.  Pay particular attention to Thinking Like a Mountain because I promise we will discuss that same concept in the shark class.  The book should look like the copy I have uploaded in this post (that was the original paperback cover - there are newer ones out there).  

I hope you enjoy the book and I hope it has the same impact on you that it still has on me nearly 50 years after I first read it.  And when we are 100 feet below the surface next March looking at Tiger Sharks and Lemon's, try thinking like a mountain while you put all the puzzle pieces together.  

The Concept of Forever

I often wonder about the concept of "forever" and wonder where my atoms will be a thousand years from now, ten thousand years from now, a million years from now, a billion years from now, and even a trillion years from now. Geologists have pretty much pegged the age of the earth at about 4.5 billion years, so a trillion years from now is almost incomprehensible.

Still, in a trillion years, everything will have to be somewhere.

As an atheist I do not believe in the concept of dead corpses rising up from graves being transformed into living "life ever after".  Recently I listened to a friend trying to fathom how if someone is cremated and part of their ashes are spread in the Atlantic Ocean and part in the Pacific Ocean, how will they ever be reconnected when the "resurrection" occurs.  Sorry to tell you but that's not going to happen just like people aren't going to rise up out of graves and have a huge life reunion with everyone they ever knew.

Despite this unwelcome intrusion of reality, right now there is a calcium atom in the nail of your left pinky finger. That atom has been around since the creation of the universe and by all bets, it will still be around a trillion years from you.  It just wont be in your left pinky finger any more.

Reverting to my college minor in Physics I'm reminded of the First Law of Thermodynamics which is a subset of the larger Law of the Conservation of Energy.  This cornerstone law of the physical world states that "the total energy of an isolated system is constant; energy can be transformed from one form to another but can neither be created or destroyed."   So that calcium atom (along with every other atom in your body) is a form of energy that will be around long after you have departed.

Before my epiphany, when I was fed a weekly indoctrination of Lutheran teachings, I regularly heard the minister recite Psalm 23, verse 6.  This was usually at the conclusion of one of the regular prayers, maybe what was called "the Benediction."  Regardless of where it occurred in the ceremony, Psalm 23:6 reads, "Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the lord forever."  Forever?  How will you "dwell...forever" if, as my friend worried recently, part of your ashes are spread in the Atlantic Ocean and part in the Pacific?

Aldo Leopold, the father of wildlife biology and the first professor of wildlife biology (at the University of Wisconsin, of course) published a book titled "A Sand County Almanac" in 1948.  Actually the book was published a few short weeks after Leopold died while trying to extinguish a prairie fire in Sauk County, Wisconsin.  The book is a compendium of Leopold's thoughts and experiences in land and natural resource management.  Spring quarter 1970, Dr. Al Beaver who taught my "Conservation of Natural Resources" class, required all students to read the book.  After I had finished, I found a new "bible" that I could believe everything in it.  It remains my bible today.  

One story "Thinking Like a Mountain" tells the tale of the day when Leopold, as a young forest manager in New Mexico, shot a female wolf that was crossing a stream with its pups.  At first Leopold was ecstatic about his kill but then, as he says so hauntingly, "we reached the old wolf in time to see a fierce green fire dying in her eyes."  The sight of the dying wolf, dead at his hand, transformed Leopold from someone who thought every predator was bad, to someone who realized that without predators, there will be a lot fewer "preferred" animals like deer or wapiti.

Another story, "The Geese Return" tells the tale of the annual migration of Canada geese, and what we can learn about us from them.  In his writings Leopold demonstrates the intrinsic value of wildlife and wildness.  Leopold tried to interpret what the geese saw and experienced as they migrated south, told of the excitement of a young boy racing home with tales of high adventure after encountering a flock of geese, and at the end of the essay asked the question "What if there be no goose music?"  It was a question that haunted me throughout my career and one that is even more important today.

None of this, however, has anything to do with the concept of "forever", a supposed resurrection, or any of the mantra's we were exposed to in church.  Not until we discover his essay "Odyssey"  First published in 1942, "Odyssey" tells the story of an atom, probably a nitrogen atom, that lays dormant in the soil for ages then one day is taken up by a bur oak that was transformed into a part of an acorn that fed a deer that fed a native american who, when he died, returned the atom to the soil.

Odyssey continues describing the journey of the atom as it passes through other plants and other animals; a spiderwort one spring, a rabbit one summer, a fox one winter, as the cycle continued.  Eventually the atom became a part of a tree that became part of the beaver that ate the tree. The beaver died in the winter and the following spring the beaver carcass along with the nitrogen atom were swept downstream until finally the atom found its way back to "lay again in his ancient prison, the sea."

I have often wondered if Leopold understood as he wrote this superb essay, that he was not only describing the endless journey of an atom (any atom) though the ages, but also, maybe inadvertently he was also describing how all of us, through our atoms, will "dwell in the house of the lord forever."  It won't be as a resurrected shell that was once a body, but as a form of energy that cannot be destroyed, only transformed from one form to another. 

I Love Socialism and So Do You!

How can socialism suck if you are already living it?

Yesterday on Facebook I saw someone's profile picture that read "Socialism Sucks"  As I looked at the person's profile information I found myself amazed that this person has an issue with socialism since he, and you, and me, if we live in the United States, have lived under socialism since we took our first breath and we will continue to live under socialism until we take our final breath.

Mr. Webster's dictionary (that you can find in a public library which, itself, is a form of socialism) defines socialism as:

a political and economic theory of social organization which advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.

Sounds pretty ominous, doesn't it?  It does until you realize that you already live in a socialist society if:

• You want the US Coast Guard to save you from a flood after a hurricane.
• 
  
• You want air traffic controllers across the nation to keep your plane from colliding mid-air (or on the ground) while you travel

• You want to travel on Federal, State, County and local highways,

• You want to go birdwatching on a National Wildlife Refuge,

• You want to go camping on a National Forest,

• You want to visit a National Park or National Historic Site managed by the National Park Service,

• You want to pick wild flowers on Bureau of Land Management managed lands in the western United States,

• You want single-payer health insurance for all Americans so nobody ever has to file for bankruptcy because they are ill,

• You want irrigation water to nourish the lettuce you are eating in your salad that came from a Bureau of Reclamation project in California's Central Valley,

• You want to dive on coral reefs in a National Marine Sanctuary, 

• You want the FBI to track down white supremacist groups that threaten American democracy,

• You want the Drug Enforcement Agency to help stop the opioid epidemic that is crushing the United States,

• You want to breathe clean air,

• You want to drink clean water,

• You want someone to inspect your food to make its safe before its sold in a grocery store, 

• You want the United States Marine Corps to defend you against outside aggression,
• 
  
• You want Navy SEALS to take out an Osama bin Laden wannabe,

• You want the National Security Agency to stop Russian interference of our election system,

• You want the Central Intelligence Agency to monitor terrorist activities in countries hostile to the United States,

• You want career diplomats to help maintain the once-respected name of the United States among nations,

• You want a police officer to save you from a burglar who has broken into your home,

• You want a fireman to administer CPR on you after you have had a heart attack,

• You want a fire rescue ambulance driver to safely and swiftly transport you to the hospital after a car accident,

• You want someone to file your unemployment claim after you have been laid off from a job,

• You want a life guard to save you from drowning on a public beach,

• You want fish stocked in a local lake so you can later catch them,

• You want teachers to teach your children in public schools,

• You want crossing guards at busy intersections to make sure your children can safely cross the street,

• You want flashing red lights at railroad crossings,

• You want to take your dog to the local county-run dog park so it can stretch its legs,

• You want your drivers license renewed,

• You want to register a vehicle,

• You want to obtain a marriage license,

• You are not well off financially and need to be represented in court,

• You want economic relief because a red tide outbreak has scared all the tourists from your area and your business is on the brink of collapse,

• You want funds available to pay construction workers to rebuild a decaying bridge in your home town,

• You want the National Weather Service to inform you that a tornado is forming nearby,

• You want the National Hurricane Center informing you of the progress of a hurricane that is bearing down on your state,

• You want the US Geological Survey to be able one day to predict earthquakes,

• You want the Tsunami Information Center to be able to warn people of a potential tsunami,

• You want your Social Security check issued on time each month,

• You want someone to handle the paperwork for your Medicare claim,

• You want snow removed from your street after a blizzard, 

• You want.....

• You want.....

The list goes on and on the more you think about Federal, State, county and local governments, the employees they hire, and the services those people provide to you.  All the activities listed above are paid for with tax dollars and each of those tax dollars is a form of "exchange .... for the community as a whole" in the definition of socialism.  

I prefer socialism over the capitalist oligarchy we actually live in - one where the six richest members of the Walton family (Wal-Mart) control more wealth than the bottom 42 percent of the American public.

If you believe, after reviewing this partial list, that socialism still "sucks" then you are part of the problem not part of the solution.

A Premature Proposal to Remove Endangered Species Act Protections from Kirtland's Warbler

Kirtland's Warbler has a breeding range that is intensely focused on early-growth jack pine forests in northern lower Michigan.  The bird evolved under a regime of fire which is how jack pines are able to reproduce.  Through the suppression of fire thanks in large part to Smokey the Bear, coupled with the rapid expansion of human populations, the range of the species was considerably reduced.  By the early 1980's for instance, Kirtland's Warbler nested in 6 counties in northern lower Michigan centered on Grayling, and Mio, Michigan.  Further confounding their habitat requirements, the birds nested solely in jack pine, only between 7 and 12 feet tall, and growing on only one or two distinct soil types.  

Confounding all of these ecological issues was the invasion of the breeding range by Brown-headed Cowbirds, a parasitic bird species that laid its eggs in the nest of Kirtland's Warblers, many times after removing warbler eggs from the nest.  Unable to tell the difference, adult warblers were incubating eggs and brooding the hatchlings, many times including 4 o 5 cowbird chicks and no warblers.  With the passage of time the combination of habitat loss and cowbird parasitism caused the Kirtland's Warbler numbers to plummet.

When I began doing research on this species in 1984 there were about 200 adult males in the population or 400 adult birds.  We estimated that at best there were about 500 or so Kirtland's Warblers in the world population.

Kirtland's Warbler was one of the first species of wildlife listed as Endangered or Threatened under the provisions of the Endangered Species Act of 1973 (and its earlier 1967 version).  Because of the habitat and cowbird control issues affecting its continued survival there was no species more deserving of Endangered Species Act protections than Kirtland's Warbler.

Although their numbers are increasing the same cannot be stated about the protection of its habitat.  Anyone familiar with the Endangered Species Act knows that the word "population" does not appear anywhere in the enabling legislation.  Yet, despite that fact, today I learned that the tRump Administration proposes to de-list (aka remove Endangered Species Act protections) from Kirtland's Warbler under the guise of its population now being at about 5,000 individuals.  

My agency, the US Fish and Wildlife Service, is accepting comments from the public about this proposal and they will continue to do so through July 11, 2018.  This proposal is based on politics. It is not based on biology and not based on the verbiage in the Endangered Species Act.  The proposal is also another example of the continued assault on Endangered Species Act provisions and protections being perpetrated by the tRump Administration.

Below is my letter to the US Fish and Wildlife Service in which I strenuously object to the proposal on biological and statutory language grounds. If you care about the earth like I do, I encourage you to submit similar comments to the Service.  This is one of many times we will have to do this while tRump remains in office.  

The correct address for submitting your concerns is:

Public Comments Processing
Attn:  FWS-R3-ES-2018-0005
Mail Stop BPHC
US Fish and Wildlife Service
5275 Leesburg Pike
Falls Church, Virginia 22041-3803

Don't be shy and don't be bashful.  Tell my old agency exactly what you think.  Don't hold back.  Here is my letter.

Craig Faanes

Sarasota, Florida 34232

April 11, 2018

Public Comments Processing

Attn: FWS–R3–ES–2018–0005

Mail Stop: BPHC

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service  

5275 Leesburg Pike

Falls Church, Virginia 22041–3803

Re:  Proposal to De-List the Kirtland’s Warbler and Remove Endangered Species Act Protection

Dear US Fish and Wildlife Service,

As a former US Fish and Wildlife Service wildlife biologist, and project leader of Kirtland’s Warbler recovery research (when the Service had a research branch), I am appalled and dismayed by the proposal to de-list the Kirtland’s Warbler and remove its Endangered Species Act protections at this time.  You and everyone else in the Washington Office knows that this proposal is based on the political motivations of the tRump Administration and most likely the pressure being exerted by Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke.  If you could speak honestly with the public, we would all know this is part of the concerted effort to eviscerate Endangered Species protections and has nothing to do with biology.

Granted, the population of Kirtland’s Warbler has rebounded demonstrably since its precarious levels in the 1970s and early 1980s.  I distinctly remember heading to the Bahamas in the winter of 1984-1985 hoping to learn if habitat issues on the wintering range were to blame for the inability of the bird’s numbers to increase.  We touched down in Nassau with 500 birds in the entire world population and began to search for them in winter.  However please quote for me, the public, Interior Secretary Zinke, or the “president”, where in the Endangered Species Act the word “population” is mentioned as a legal criterion for listing or for de-listing.   It can’t be done because the word “population” is not in the Act.  If it was, there would be no justification for listing the Gray Bat as an endangered species because their numbers were astronomic.  What limited them then and limits them now is habitat.

The very same thing is true with Kirtland’s Warbler.   In the 1970s and 1980s, habitat was the limiting factor.  It wasn’t until the famous Mack Lake fire in the early 1980s, and the subsequent coming of age of the habitat after the fire, that Kirtland’s Warbler numbers began to rebound.  The Service established the Kirtland’s Warbler National Wildlife Refuge so we could have a handle on habitat management to enhance the population.  Much to the chagrin of the Michigan Department of Natural Resources Forestry program, the State of Michigan began a more aggressive burning program to provide adequate habitat on a revolving cycle, similar to how natural fire cycles did when and as the bird evolved.  Once adequate habitat was provided, most of it through and under the auspices of the Endangered Species Act, the bird’s numbers began to rebound.  The fact that news articles describe the happiness of the Michigan Department of Natural Resources over the proposal to de-list Kirtland’s Warbler should tell you in glaring terms where their passion and focus lies. It does not lie with recovering and sustaining the bird in perpetuity.

I am gravely concerned, as is anyone who cares about this bird more than they care about politics, that if Endangered Species Act protections are removed there will be no incentive to continue to manage habitat to ensure the species continued survival.  We the people know that any assurances provided by Interior Zinke or “president” tRump have as much validity as anything else they have said.

I am heartened to see that you recognize the importance of continuing to control Brown-headed Cowbird numbers in the main range of the species.  Because of human domination of the landscape we will have to continue to control cowbirds for as long as there is jack pine in northern Michigan, and Kirtland’s Warblers nesting in it.   Cowbird control does not come cheaply and what funds are available for control arise from the Endangered Species account.  What assurances do you have and more importantly does the warbler have, that those funds will continue to flow once Endangered Species Act protection is removed?

A recent article in the New York Times stated that this proposal will remove legal protections from the Kirtland’s Warbler.  At least for the moment that statement is false because the warbler will continue to be protected by the provisions of the Migratory Bird Treaty Act (16 USC 703-712).  Although the Migratory Bird Treaty Act is a strict liability law, there is NO mechanism in the Act to provide or secure funds to continue the cowbird control program (or the habitat management program for that matter).

The key to the eventual recovery and long-term survival of Kirtland’s Warbler is habitat protection and management coupled with Brown-headed Cowbird control and management.  Those vital components of Kirtland’s Warbler conservation cannot (and in the current Administration will not) remain in place or be viable if the warbler is de-listed.

We all like to celebrate Endangered Species Act victories like the de-listing of the Bald Eagle or the Peregrine Falcon.  However right now, in the current political climate and with the people at the helm controlling the Act and its implementation, removing Endangered Species Act protections from Kirtland’s Warbler is tantamount to biological suicide.  Do the biologically correct thing, not the tRumpian political thing, and eliminate this premature proposal from your files.  If you need someone to write the Federal Register notice announcing that you have changed your mind, I’ll happily write it for you.

Should you be keeping a tally of “for” comments and “against” comments, please place my comments in the “vehemently against” pile.

An Atrial Fibrilation Anniversary

Tonight at 9:00 pm will mark the 17th anniversary of my first episode of atrial fibrilation! This is the "irregular heartbeat not caused by a heart valve problem" you hear about on heart medicine advertisements.

When I went into A fib my heart rate increased to 208 beats per minute. The sensation was best described as feeling like a fish flopping around in the bottom of a boat in my chest. It took 18 hours to convert me to a normal heart rate and rhythm. The cause? A cardiologist who examined me said that I had overdosed on caffeine. Given the amount of coffee I drank then (average of 12 large cups a day) it wasn't hard to accept the diagnosis.

17 months later I went into A fib again. This time in my office at 7 in the morning. I was hauled away from 4401 North Fairfax Drive in Arlington Virginia in an ambulance. It took 20 hours to convert me and afterward I was put on at least 4 different heart meds to keep it from recurring.

But it did...7 more times including twice while on a cruise ship in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. In June 2015 I had a cool procedure called "catheter ablation" that essentially cured me of A fib although last week I had a minor episode again.

The moral of this story is that if you like coffee be very careful with the amount you consume. If not you might wind up in an Emergency Room with your heart feeling like its going to jump out of your chest!

Traveling in Shithole Countries

The Philippines - My 120th Country Visited

Recently the child occupying the White House in Washington DC disrespected a large number of countries (all of them non-white) when he referred to them as "Shithole Countries."  Apparently the man-child believes countries and the people in them have no value and aren't worthy of his lofty ego unless they are filthy rich and white like him. As he disrespected those nation's he asked why more people from Norway don't move to the United States.

I recently traveled to the Philippines.  When we landed in Cebu, the Philippines became the 120th country I have visited. With the exception of Canada (eh), Japan, China, Israel, Australia, the United Arab Emirates, and each of the 32 countries I’ve visited in Europe (although a couple of them are sketchy!), the bulk of the countries on my visit list would be considered “Shithole Countries” by Donald tRump. The Philippines are no exception

The main thing I have learned from all this travel is that the kindest, most giving and unassuming people on the planet are those who come from “Shithole Countries.”

Consider the man in the lowlands of Veracruz Mexico, who took me in on Christmas Eve when my car broke down in front of his family’s thatched-roof hut along a river. I had more money in my wallet than this man saw in a year yet his family fed me, sheltered me, and even made a handmade Christmas gift for me so I didn’t feel left out of their humble Christmas celebration

Or consider the store owner in Thailand who chased the customers from her store, locked the doors, and then led me on her motor scooter for 40 kilometers (24 miles) one way to the Bangkok Motorway when I had become horribly lost and could not read road signs written in Thai script. Then when I offered her the equivalent of $10 US for her time she felt offended that I even offered.

Or the man in Oman on the Arabian Peninsula who called me his brother and made me some Arabic coffee to share with him simply because I tried to speak to him in my rustic Arabic instead of insisting on him speaking English to me.

Or the gargantuan man in South Africa who lifted me off my feet and swirled me around like a piece of paper when I told him I wanted South Africa to win the Rugby World Cup. “You’re American and you care about South Africa?”, he asked before spinning me around

There are many other examples, including all of the kindness Cathy and I experienced in this crushingly beautiful and impoverished nation in the Pacific. Curiously on the first of our two return flights from the Philippines I talked with an Emirates Airlines pilot who was from Norway.  I asked him about tRump's shithole comment and about his wish for more Norwegian's to move to the United States.

The pilot laughed and said, "Why on earth would anyone from Norway want to move to a country like yours with its shithole president?"  I couldn't agree more.

As far as I’m concerned I’ll take a “Shithole Country” and the people in it any day.

Whining By US Airlines Doesn't Cut It

Emirates Airlines is regularly voted the best airline in the world - and with good reason.  US Airlines could learn from Emirates if they stopped whining and returned to providing enjoyable customer service

A month ago we flew from Sarasota to Washington DC aboard Delta Airlines.   While in the air I strummed through the Delta in-flight magazine where I found a full-page advertisement (better described as a temper tantrum) in which Delta complained that Middle Eastern airlines were being unfair to US airlines.  The unfairness comes largely from subsidies being paid by middle eastern countries (Qatar, United Arab Emirates were the two countries causing the most angst) that US airlines claim makes competing against those airlines difficult at best.

The US argument is a joke of the highest order because US airlines have been sucking at the federal tit ever since the Contract Air Mail Act of 1925 was implemented providing for federal subsidies to support US airlines.  And lets not forget the Essential Air Service program, which currently provides subsidies for airlines serving 163 rural communities nationwide. There’s also the Fly America Act, which since 1974 has required federal agencies to use U.S. air carriers to transport passengers and cargo when such travel is funded by the government.  Delta Airlines, who whined in their inflight magazine about other countries giving airlines subsidies received about $900,000,000 in Federal subsidies in 2014 alone!


I have now traveled to 120 countries around the world.  I've flown on 3,124 actual flight segments since my first flight on October 31, 1977 aboard Ozark Airlines from Minneapolis to St. Louis.  Among all those flights I have flown 1,963,417 actual miles (not frequent flier miles but actual miles in the air).  I know this because since my first flight in 1977 I have kept track of each flight I've taken, the airline and aircraft type flown, the route flown, and the actual air mileage between airports.  If you assume the maximum circumference of the earth is 24,000 miles, then I have flown enough miles on jet aircraft to have circumnavigated the globe 81.8 times.  I know a little bit about being a passenger on a plane.

The issue is not one of government subsidies creating "unfairness" among airlines and countries.  The issue is customer service or, in the case of US airlines, the lack of customer service.

On a recent trip from Orlando, Florida to Cebu, Philippines via Dubai, United Arab Emirates, I discovered what an absolute treat it is to fly on Emirates Airlines. From the moment you step on the plane you are treated with respect and civility - there is no feeling of being cattle in a cattle car like you feel on most airlines in the US. Flight attendants refer to you as "sir" or "madame".  Each is dressed smartly in matching outfits (for males and for females).  The supervising flight attendant for each section of the plane personally greets everyone and encourages you to contact them if you need anything.  Meals are served promptly and bountifully (unlike on US airlines).  If there is a 5-minute delay pushing back from the gate (as happened on our return from Cebu to Dubai, the pilot is on the intercom informing everyone about what they consider a "delay" and apologizing profusely for any inconvenience this may cause each traveler.

When was the last time you saw a flight attendant on a US airline dressed professionally like this Emirates attendant?  I don't remember either.

On Emirates Airlines you are a valued customer. You are not a number.   On Emirates Airlines you don't have to worry about being beaten and dragged from the flight as recently happened on United Airlines.  There is no need to worry about your luggage being used for batting practice (also on United).   You'll never find an Emirates flight attendant treating passengers like this American Airlines flight attendant did.   

The thing Emirates (and Qatar Airways that we will fly in June) have over Delta, United and American is customer service. That is a concept US airlines have forgotten in their rush to charge for everything, cram more rows of smaller seats into a finite space, and reward their shareholders at the expense of their customers.  It’s all about treating passengers like they matter rather than treating them like cattle. US airlines could learn a lot from those they criticize the most.

During all of my travel over the last 41 years I've come to the conclusion that there are only two airlines left in this country that know the definition of customer service and they practice it on every flight.  One is JetBlue and the other is Alaska Airlines.  If only both airlines had flight systems as extensive as Delta, American, Southwest, and United.  Maybe some day.

When Things Go Wrong Halfway Around the World

Malapascua Island, a 40 minute boat ride north of Cebu in the Philippines, is a scuba diver's dream come true.  Travel to and from the island can be problematic at times.


“Oh the stories you can tell. If it all blows up and goes to hell. If you ever wonder why you ride the carousel, you do it for the stories you can tell.” ... Jimmy Buffett

After having traveled to 120 countries on the 6 inhabited continents I've learned that when something goes wrong no matter how bleak it seems at first, eventually everything works out. 

Like Friday when we transferred between three boats in the Visayan Sea on our way to the mainland At one point the seas were so rough that the flat boat we transferred to from a larger boat almost swamped in a huge wave. Cathy, leaping from the larger boat to the smaller one, nearly broke her leg when she slipped on the ocean-soaked deck. Then eventually when we arrived in Cebu we discovered that I screwed up and booked our flight for a day later!

So where is the silver lining in this story? Saturday it was storming like crazy on the north coast of Cebu where we came ashore 24 hours earlier.  Lightning, thunder and likely waves that made yesterday’s waves look like they were in the minor leagues. Had we left the island on Saturday we likely wouldn’t have been able to make the crossing to the mainland because of weather and waves

So instead we hung out in the lobby of the Bellavista Hotel where Cathy was knitting away in Margaritaville. I’m watching the Philippines roar by on the street and we are a safe and easy 5 minute ride from the airport and two seats in Business Class on Emirates Airlines, regularly voted the best airline in the world.

Moral of the story is that a minor mistake turned into a positive as usually happens when things go wrong far from home

Paying Tax on a Tax in the Philippines

Receipt for the 750 Philippine Peso Departure Tax paid at the Cebu, Philippines, airport on February 24, 2018

This is a tad funny and ironic when you think about it Most countries impose a “departure tax” on travelers leaving the country. It’s simply another way for countries to legally generate funds without having to indicate how the funds will be used or, in the case of the Philippines, which politician’s pocket the funds will land.

Most countries, including the United States, include the departure tax in your ticket price but not so the Philippines. There after checking in for your international flight you go to a desk and pay a 750 Peso (about $15 US) departure tax

This image shows that the cost breakdown on the 750 Philippine Pesos includes about 63 pesos for VAT or “value added tax”. Thus in the Philippines, travelers not only pay a departure tax but we also pay a tax on that tax! 

Maybe tRump should consider that scam to pay for his ridiculous wall

The Looming Government Shutdown - A Few Inconvenient Truths

With all the hoopla in the media about the pending US government shutdown its important to remember a few inconvenient truths.

1. Government shuts down because it is out of money.  Government is out of money because Congress (one or both houses) can't complete its Constitutionally-required job of presenting a budget and appropriating funds.  To work or expend funds by an agency during a shut down is a violation of the Economy Act of 1932 which carries criminal penalties.

2. Government shutdowns are political theater and nothing more.

3. In 31 years of government employment I endured 9 full or partial shut downs. Most occurred around October 1, the start of the fiscal year when Congress couldn't pass a budget or come to agreement on a continuing resolution. In other words, in 31 years a shut down occurred on average once every 3 years.

4. The most famous (and longest in my career) shutdown was in 1996 when Newt Gingrich threw a fit claiming he wasn't allowed to sit with President Clinton on Air Force One as they returned from Israel. This despite a front page picture in the Washington Post of Newtie sitting with Clinton on the flight.

5. Government employees do not lose any salary because of a shut down. We are given Administrative Leave for the time off and paid our regular salary when the nonsense is over.

6. Social security checks are still written and sent to retirees as are monthly annuity checks for retired Federal employees.

7. Vendors working with government agencies don't get paid during a shut down but they eventually get paid when funds are appropriated. Albeit late, they are paid.

8. The military, law enforcement and other employees deemed "essential" still work during a shutdown. So its not like the Marines come to a halt and can't do anything or the FBI cant chase bad guys that rob banks or Customs can't enforce import laws. The US Coast Guard is still on the water helping boaters in distress and rescuing sick passengers from cruise ships. They can and still do.

9. Air Traffic Controllers still show up for work and still keep planes in flight separated from each other. Air travel does not change or stop.

10. About the only thing that happens when government shuts down is the National Parks close and the National Wildlife Refuges close, and you can't go sign up for new benefits under Social Security, and the Department of Labor doesn't collect employment data for a few days, and there are delays in obtaining Federal housing assistance, and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration research vessels have to return to port because they can't operate without funds. All of these things go back to normal once the children in the Congress agree on more funding.

The only thing that really happens in a shutdown is that pompous asshole members of Congress and in the current case a president with an ego the size of Brooklyn, can crow about how they shut down the government to make a point. The last time there was a shutdown (caused by Senator Ted Cruz R-TX) it was estimated that it cost the american economy something like $28 billion dollars.

So when you hear people panting fearfully on tv about an impending shutdown, just open a beer and watch the fools make a fool of themselves. Think of it as a "free" theater performance and nothing more.

Diving Away in Margaritaville - Bonaire Style

Bonaire is one of the few places in the world where you can earn PADI Lionfish Hunter certification and we all know that the only good Lionfish is the one on the end of your spear

While diving offshore from Anna Maria island have you ever thought to yourself – “There has to be better viz somewhere!”  

If you have then you should consider a week of diving on beautiful Bonaire, one of the ABC Islands (Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao) in the Dutch Caribbean off the coast of Venezuela.  Diving is superb, visibility less than 60 feet is considered “bad viz,” plus the dive package at the Plaza Resort Bonaire, and diving with Toucan Diving Bonaire, is a bargain at twice the price.  

True there are cheaper options on the island but they don’t include 12 boat dives, luxurious hotel rooms, all your meals, and unlimited alcohol!

Craig Faanes and Cathy Hayslett are headed back to Bonaire during October 27 to November 3, 2018 and want to invite you to come along.  There are three packages available and the price is based on room type:  A Laguna View/Marina View room is $1466 per person in double occupancy; a Pool View room is $1568 per person in double occupancy, and an Oceanfront is $1810 per person in double occupancy.  Those prices include the following:

 7 night All-Inclusive Special at the Plaza Resort includes:

·        Transfers from airport to resort and return

·        Hotel room

·        12 tanks of boat dives with 6 days unlimited shore diving for each person

·        Tanks, weights, belts, free Nitrox

·        Daily buffet breakfast, lunch and dinner (all you can eat) with live cooking station

·        All drinks, including house brand wine, spirits and beer (premium brands not included)

·        Use of kayaks, snorkeling gear, stand up paddleboards, beach tennis, fitness center

·        Daytime activities and evening entertainment

·        Beach chair & Pool towels

·        Room safe and WiFi

·        All local taxes, service charges and energy surcharge

Toucan Diving Bonaire is a PADI 5-Star Resort where you can work on several certifications (Deep Diver, Night Diver, Rescue Diver, Underwater Naturalist, etc.) if you are interested. An added bonus of diving with Toucan Diving Bonaire is that it’s one of the few places in the world where you can earn PADI Lionfish Hunter certification!

American Airlines now flies nonstop from Miami to Bonaire (a 3-hour flight) making travel to the island much easier than in the past.  There is a connecting flight available from Tampa.

New Year's Day in Northern Wisconsin History

January 1, 1974 in Rice Lake Wisconsin the ambient temperature at the airport at sunrise was -62 degrees F. Dick Kaner reported that temperature on radio station WJMC. Luckily there was no wind so there was no wind chill. Walking from the barn to our house after milking cows I spit. It hit the snow as a little ball of ice just like in Jack London’s story “To Build a Fire”

By 11 am I was able to start my car when the temperature had warmed to -40 degrees F. My Chesapeake Bay Retriever Chester and I drove out to the Blue Hills near Hardscrabble. I strapped on snow shoes, and we hiked in a mile to check some traps I had set on a beaver colony. I caught 2 beaver whose combined weight was 90 pounds! I put them in my wicker backpack and hiked back to the road.

Snow shoes were an essential component of off road travel in the north woods of Wisconsin long ago

The added weight of the beavers, on top of my wool clothes, caused me to overheat. I took off my coat, slung it over my shoulder, and trundled back to my car. Steam billowed off me as I walked. I wish someone had been with me to take a picture because I must have looked like a cloud on snow shoes.

By sunrise the next day the overnight low had warmed to only -26 degrees F. The beginning of a warming trend. I relive bitter morning and that hike to check beaver traps in my memory every New Years Day.

Not to be outdone, almost three years to the day later, the overnight low in Rice Lake reached -60 degrees F.  As my now deceased mother said that morning "what do you expect? Its Wisconsin."

These bumper stickers were a common sight in Barron County after that equally bitter day in January 1977