Joyous early morning correspondence with the Porcine Pussy Grabber
Craig Faanes
Sarasota, Florida 34232
October 2, 2020
Donnie Deductions
Chief Pussy Grabber
The White House
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Donnie
I was mimicking you this morning, sitting on the toilet (although mine is not made of gold) sending out Tweets, when I learned the exciting news that you and Slovenian Barbie have Covid-19!!! How ironic, huh, Donnie?
After all these months of claiming Coronavirus was a “Chinese Hoax” that would go away “like a miracle” once the temperatures warmed, and stating emphatically that masks won’t help protect you from the virus, you and the First Bimbo caught it! I have to admit that I spontaneously ejaculated when I read you have the virus!
Now that you have contracted the hoax what are your plans for recovery? Will you be injecting Clorox bleach? Have you increased your intake of Hydroxychloroquine tablets? Will Mike Pence shove a bright light up your ass to cleanse your system of the virus? There are so many cures you have touted for others to use, I’m just curious what you will be using.
As exciting as this news is to me and to the majority of Americans, I think it comes at a rather ironic time. Just a couple nights ago you made an unmitigated fool of yourself on international television by acting like a spoiled brat during the debate with President Biden. During that debate you refused to denounce white supremacy, and despite Don Junior having an obvious addiction to opioids, you chose to attack Hunter Biden for his drug dependency. For all of that you received a mountain of well-deserved criticism. Your poll numbers tanked and everyone but Fox News claimed you lost the debate miserably. Then just yesterday it was revealed that the Slovenian Barbie said “who gives a fuck” about Christmas “stuff”. This from the wife of the person who claims there is a war on Christmas.
Now, after these major mistakes on your part you announce you have Covid and you and the Slovenian Barbie will be in quarantine for 14 days. That will make it impossible for you to participate in the next debate won’t it? You won’t be able to make a total ass of yourself again while further embarrassing the United States. This begs the question – do you really have Covid or are you claiming this as a way to get out of a debate? How convenient.
I won’t believe you have Covid until you release the results of your Covid test. Will that release happen soon, or is the IRS also auditing that report?
Here’s hoping you enjoy being intubated and breathing through a ventilator (one that you didn’t send to China back in March). It might not cure you but at least you won’t be able to stand in front of thousands of unmasked fans denigrating everyone who disagrees with you.
Today is the first day in your nearly 4-year-old administration that I find myself doing back flips from the joy I feel. Covid-19 could not have happened to a more deserving waste of protoplasm.
Please spend the rest of the day coughing wildly on everyone you come near. It would be especially helpful if you coughed on Stephen Miller. And, what about Lindsey Graham? Can he contract Covid while on his knees?
Love and kisses,
Once again, Mr Faanes, you beat me to the proverbial punch. And thank goodness, you did! lol! Your way with words , is much more polished than mine. In this most current blog of yours, the words just flowed from you, like they were coming from the ghost of the "Bard" himself. Keep up the good work! Keep tearing the PPG, a new anal opening, whenever the chance rears its ugly head/ hair/ ass/ mouth, etc, etc.....................!!!
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