How Do I Register as a Muslim?

This morning I sent the following letter to US Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), and a slightly different one to my Congressman Vern Buchanan.  In both letters I asked for their guidance on how, when, and where to sign up for Donald Trump's Muslim registry.  This is especially important now that I have converted to Islam solely so I can be on this Registry.  I am also blind copying the letters to the FBI and to The Donald himself at Trump Tower.  I'll post any responses here on my blog.

December 16, 2016

Senator Marco Rubio

284 Russell Senate Office Building

United States Senate
Washington DC, 20510

Re:  Muslim Registry

Dear Mark,

During his successful campaign for the Presidency (successful if you consider that he lost the popular vote by nearly 3 million votes that is) Donald Trump made it abundantly clear that upon taking over the Presidency he would establish a registry for Muslim people in the United States.  We tried something similar once before in America – remember those Japanese internment camps during World War II?

However, and despite that horrible and embarrassing chapter in our nation’s history, President-elect Trump is set to embark on a similar course of disrespecting an entire race of people.  And this time, for good measure, he is going to be disrespecting an entire religion (whatever happened to freedom of religion in America?).

In anticipation of there being a Muslim registry in the United States, I have recently converted to Islam and am now a full-fledged Muslim (praise be to Allah).  Accordingly I look forward to being able to be among the first to sign up for this registry.  There is only one slight problem – I don’t know yet how when or where to register.  Thus I am writing to you for guidance.

Will the Muslim Registry be set up like the draft was for those of us old enough to have been drafted to serve in Vietnam?  Will there be an US Office of Muslim Registry or will those duties be handled by some already existing agency like the White House Office of Faith-Based Initiatives?  How soon after January 20 2017 will I have to be registered?  Can registration be done online or will it have to be in person?  Will I receive some sort of marking on my skin like people endured during the Hitler era to identify them as Jewish?  Or will I simply carry an identification card that resembles a driver’s license?  Will I have to obtain a new passport that clearly identifies me as Muslim? Or will my current passport suffice but with a note in the Department of Homeland Security database that I am a registered Muslim?

During your recent successful bid for re-election I heard you say that you would represent all of your constituents. I’m assuming that means all of your Muslim constituents as well as gentiles, jews, atheists and agnostic.   If what you said was actually true and not just normal campaign hyperbole, then I ask that you get me information as soon as you have it on how I can register as a Muslim.

Allah Akbar