Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Review of "The Panther" by Nelson De Mille


Nelson De Mille is one of the best suspense/espionage writers on the planet.  Bar none.  His work has focused on issues in the Viet Nam war (in which he served) and issues related to terrorism in the Middle East. and in the former Soviet Union.  I became addicted to him and his work with "Charm School".  Later he produced "The Lions Game" a greater than 600 page story about a terrorist who arrives in New York and goes around killing politicians.  I began reading "The Lion's Game" on a Sunday afternoon at 1:00 p.m.   As the day wore on I could not put it down. because I had to know what was on the next page.  I stayed up all night reading, called in sick at work at 7:00 a.m. Monday morning and finally finished the book at 3:00 p.m. that afternoon.  I read the entire book in one 26 hour sitting.  That's how good it was.

I anticipated a similar experience with the release of his new book "The Panther" about efforts to capture / kill an American-born Islamic-terrorist.  I didn't finish the book and in fact made it only through 480 of its 600 some pages.  Mr. De Mille asked at the start of the book for comments about factual errors.  I emailed him two that I found plus a comment about the book.  That is contained in the following email sent to Mr De Mille.

Bottom line is that this would have been a great read had the principal character, Detective John Corey, not made ridiculous endless wise assed comments about everything all the time.  It became very old and very childish at the same time.   I hope De Mille's next book isn't as annoying as "The Panther."

February 20, 2013


Dear Nelson De Mille,

At the beginning of The Panther you requested that people contact you with errors in the text.  I found two factual errors in the 480 pages of the book that I survived reading. I want to point them out to you.   I also have one comment.

First early in the book you refer to military people returning to "Dover Air Force Base in Maryland."  Dover AFB is in Dover Delaware.

Secondly, while Chet and the others are tooling around in Aden harbor with Chet driving the boat he pulls out his gun and shoots at a bird that is described as "black and white" and which Chet refers to as a "masked booby gull."

As a retired US Fish and Wildlife Service ornithologist I can assure you that Masked Booby's are not gulls.  Taxonomically gulls are in the family Laridae.  Ornithologically they are closely related to shorebirds (sandpipers etc), Jaegers (skuas) and terns.   Taxonomically Masked Booby is a member of the family Sulidae, the gannets and boobies.  Ornithologically they are most closely related to Frigatebirds, Cormorants and Pelicans.   These latter birds are much more primitive (ornithologically and genetically) than are gulls.

The only thing that any species of booby has in common with any species of gull is that 1) they both have feathers and 2) they both like to hang out around water.  After that all similarities end.  You can learn about Masked Booby at this link:

Finally the comment.  I really came to enjoy your work with Charm School.  That book had me hooked and I read "The Lions Game" in one single 26 hour nonstop setting.  Given how much I enjoyed your earlier works (every one of them) I want you to know that I was less than impressed with The Panther.  You have taken the wise-cracking persona of John Corey to an extreme. No human being is going to make smart assed comments about every thing on earth every sentence and every breath.  However that is what John Corey became in this book.  Of the 600 plus pages of the book my guess is you could have knocked down the volume of the book by 150 pages had you taken out half of Corey's unnecessary comments.  It rapidly became very old and very boring and to be honest I quit reading the book and placed it in the garbage after 480 pages.  Accordingly I do not know how the book ends and quite frankly I don't care.  I'll just pick up one of Bill Bryson's books and read it.  He makes wise cracks but at least only on occasion and when he does they are entertaining.

I sincerely hope that if John Corey survived the time in Yemen and you decide to use him in an subsequent books you produce that you cool down his smart assed view of everything.  It quit being entertaining about on page 50 of The Panther.

Craig Faanes
Sarasota Florida

Saturday, February 16, 2013

The Benefits of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare)


Every three months I pick up a 90-day supply (270 pills) of Propafanone. It is the drug I take 3 times a day every day for the rest of my life to ensure that my heart never ever again goes into atrial fibrilation. If you've ever had a bout of a. fib you know why you never want it again. 

In 2010 when the Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare) was enacted, my co-pay for 270 pills was $120 every three months. In 2011, the first full year after enactment my co-pay went down to $70 every three months. Last year the co-pay was $56 every three months. 

Last night I picked up my first 90-day supply of the drug in calendar year 2013. Guess what my co-pay was?? Its now down to $35 every three months! 

Thanks Barack for signing the bill. Its certainly providing the "affordable" care promised by the title. And its also knocking down prescription prices as promised. Mission Accomplished :)

Oh, and Congresswoman Michelle (Batshit Crazy Shelley) Bachmann (R-MN) you can shove your death squad scare tactics directly up pampered Federal-subsidy-loving ass. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The Jimmy Buffett Birthplace National Historic Site

Jimmy Buffett's Birthplace at the Corner of Garfield and Roosevelt Streets, Pascagoula, Mississippi

Jimmy Buffett, the greatest singer, songwriter, and calypso poet ever to swim in the Caribbean (not to mention being the permanent mayor of Margaritaville) was born in a humble home in Pascagoula, Mississippi on December 25, 1946.  A few years later, while still in his infancy, this future mega star and environmental advocate moved with his family to near Mobile, Alabama where he was raised.  He never grew up so it can only be said that he was raised.

Now 66 years old his career has spanned all or parts of six decades and his impact on music and on people's outlooks has been almost impossible to quantify.  Despite having recorded more than 300 songs only three of them (Come Monday, Margaritaville, It's Five O'Clock Somewhere) have ever made the Top 10 and the only one to win an award was Five O'Clock and that was a joint award with Alan Jackson. Still despite the greatness of his music making it to the Top 10 only three times he has a following of Parrotheads that has to be the envy of every other singer and band out there.  

Who else but Jimmy Buffett could get people to dress up in coconut shell bras and feel secure in themselves at a concert?

Jimmy has said several times that with fans like Parrotheads who needs awards still the lack of recognition afforded him and his accomplishments borders on criminal.  Johnny Cash, who wouldn't know rock and roll music if it bought him another quaalude has been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Jimmy Buffett has not.  The Everly Brothers, who wouldn't know rock and roll if it bit them on the ass have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame but not Jimmy Buffett.  Even Bobby Darin has made it to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame but Jimmy Buffett hasn't even been considered.

I think this is a national travesty and a national tragedy and I am determined to fix it and I an going to fix it by proposing that Congress establish the Jimmy Buffett Birthplace National Historic Site in Pascagoula, Mississippi and that they do it soon!  Right now if you stop by the Chamber of Commerce office in Pascagoula and ask for a map of the city bicycle path, the seventh place highlighted on the map is to stop by Jimmy Buffett's birthplace!  Eighth on the list is the former home of William Faulkner - Jimmy is surrounded by greatness in that city.  The city of Pascagoula recognizes his awesomness.  Its time Congress did as well.

Currently there are 79 sites across the United States that have been designated by Congress as a National Historic Site:  Among many others, these sites include Abraham Lincoln's Birthplace, in Kentucky Andrew Johnson's Birthplace in Tennessee, Carl Sandburg's Home in the mountains of North Carolina, and the home of twisted author Edgar Alan Poe in Philadelphia where he concocted the story "The Pit and the Pendulum."  

While I was in Mississippi this week I stopped by the Mary C O'Keefe Cultural Center of Arts and Education in Ocean Springs where I saw the "Senator Trent Lott Auditorium" on display.  Not far outside of Pascagoula I stopped at the "Trent Lott International Airport" that receives no commercial air traffic whatsoever let alone any from international locations.  It seems that every bridge and every stretch of US highway along the coast of Mississippi is named after some dead soldier or a state trooper killed in action.  Given all of that why can't this humble home in Pascagoula be established by Congress as a National Historic Site to the greatest singer to ever come out of the Mississippi Gulf Coast?  The entrance sign to Mississippi contains the slogan "Birthplace of America's Music"  Its high time Congress took action to codify that statement.


The last Congress that ended in 2012 passed something like 100 bills in two years and the bulk of them were for re-naming Post Office buildings.  Why can't the same thing be done in the current Congress and why can't they start with Jimmy Buffett?

I'm going to begin my letter writing campaign this week and I encourage you to do the same.  Start by contacting these two US Senators from Mississippi:

Senator Roger Wicker (R-MS)
555 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Main: (202) 224-6253
Fax: (202) 228-0378

Senator Thad Cochran (R-MS)
United States Senate
113 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510-2402
202-224-5054

And the person most likely to benefit from the designation is the Congressman from Mississippi's Fourth Congressional District

Congressman Steve Palazzo (R-MS)
331 Cannon HOB
Washington, DC 20515
Phone: (202) 225-5772
Fax: (202) 225-7074




Do it for people like this guy who got in touch with his inner child at a Buffett concert in Tampa and drove around on a bicycle that looks like a shark while carrying a shark fin on his back.  Not many people other than Jimmy Buffett has this affect on Americans and that alone qualifies for his humble beginnings to be forever immortalized in a National Historic Site designation.

Fins Up!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

An Urban Bobcat


My interest in the bobcat (Lynx rufus) began in graduate school when I was taking a course in Mammalogy.  One of the requirements for graduate students taking the class was to conduct a field research project on some aspect of mammal biology.  Although my principal interest was memorizing the location of every freckle on the mammary system of a redhead I was married to at the time, ultimately I studied the food habits of a colony of beavers living along the South Fork of the Kinnickinnic River that ran through campus.  Fellow graduate student Wayne Norling chose to attempt a population estimate of bobcats in his natal Burnett County, Wisconsin.  Having grown up in northern Wisconsin I knew that there were bobcats out there somewhere however despite lots of time spent tromping though the forests of northern Wisconsin studying animal tracks I had never even seen the foot print of a bobcat.  Wayne had seen them in Burnett County and his research project revealed that there were more than just a few hanging out in those primordial forests.  However you couldn't prove it by me.

The first bobcat I ever saw in the wild was an adult that crossed the road in front of me just east of Carmel, Monterrey County, California, on October 29, 1980.  It made a quick appearance and then like a ghost it disappeared.  My second bobcat was also an adult and this one was stalking a flock of Gambel's Quail  in riparian forest along the San Pedro River east of Sierra Vista, Arizona in May 1998.  I obviously wan't seeing bobcats very often.

Those were the only bobcats I had seen in the wild until I moved to Florida in March 2008. In the intervening five years I've seen probably 20 of these magnificent cats and just like the first two I saw, all of these Florida bobcats were in wild areas like the Merritt Island National Wildlife Refuge in Brevard County or mangrove forests on the Rookery Bay National Estuarine Research Reserve in Collier County.  That statement remained truthful until yesterday afternoon when I saw one in heavily urbanized Manatee County within spitting distance of Interstate 75 and adjacent to a very busy shopping mall.  The location of the sighting in relation to the freeway and other development is shown in this satellite image from Google Earth.



I was returning from a movie at the Lakewood Ranch Cinemas and following Cooper Creek Parkway home.  As I drove past BJ's Wholesale Store an adult bobcat ambled out of the shrubby vegetation adjacent to the freeway and darted across the road in front of me.  My first thought was that it was a raccoon but it quickly dawned on me that 1) it was too tall and 2) it was spotted and 3) it didn't have a long, ringed, bushy tail.  Then it sunk in - a bobcat.

Bobcat's are refreshingly common in Florida and according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission they are fairly well adapted to urban and suburban settings. That's encouraging given the burgeoning human population in Florida and its attendant and rampant urbanization.  Hal Kantrud, my old office partner at the Northern Prairie Wildlife Research Center in North Dakota once said that the key to wildlife biology is the concept of "adapt or die."  Bobcats seem to have taken Hal's words to heart.

Although my thoughts of bobcats will probably always revolve around images in my head of snowshoeing up to a bobcat as it dines on a recently captured rabbit in a northern Wisconsin forest, I will remain happy to see one in my urbanized environment that is filled with nutcase drivers from Ohio every winter.  I just hope they dont run over any bobcats.  I'll keep an eye out for them just in case.

Louie Gay - The Best Baseball Coach I Ever Had





January 16, 2013

Louie Gay
Sun City West, Arizona  85375

Dear Louie:

The Cameron Comets played the Prairie Farm Panthers in Prairie Farm in mid-April 1966.  It was probably our first game of the year and it was my first time starting as catcher in high school – as a freshman no less.  You were hitting balls to the infield to warm them up and I was standing next to you occasionally throwing balls down to second base.  You told me to make sure that each time I threw to second that I throw the ball wildly.  I didn’t understand why but I did so.  Later in the game, the first two Prairie Farm hitters to make it to first base were instantly thrown out trying to steal second base.  They thought my arm was poor.  We showed them differently!  You taught me how to use ruse to my advantage that day.

The other thing you did that day was take me aside before the first pitch and tell me “I don’t care what you say to the batter I want you to make an ass out of him.”  That was sort of like a license to fly for me and my fervent love for heckling baseball players was born.  You taught me two good lessons that day.

Enclosed for your reading enjoyment (I hope!) is my latest book (I’ve now published six books – this is the first novel and the only one about baseball) titled “Minor League Heckler.”   It can trace its roots back to that day almost 47 years ago when you taught me how to heckle.  This book is a fictionalization of the final year of the Sarasota Reds, a Class A (High) minor league team in the Cincinnati Reds organization.  The Reds were made up of some great players but things just never worked for them.  I had recently retired and moved to Sarasota and started going to Reds games.  The experience generated a love for minor league baseball and it brought back all of those things you taught me about heckling the opponent.  Thinking about the Reds lousy season I tried to rationalize why they did so poorly. One thing led to another and eventually the reason came out.  It’s the same reason everyone uses to figure out baseball.  It was the umpires fault.

In a game the Sarasota Reds played against the St. Lucie Mets (Class A for the New York Mets) in August 2009 I got on the case of a Dominican kid really badly and assisted him with two strike outs in his first two at bats.  By the seventh inning he was mine!  With the count 2 and 2 the Reds pitcher let loose with a screaming fastball and as he did I said to this Dominican kid in his native Spanish “Tiene le pene del nino” (You have the penis of a small boy).  This obviously upset him no end and as he swung and missed he let the bat go at the end of the swing and it flew straight at me.  Luckily the netting behind home plate held and the bat bounced off it without doing any damage.  (The Reds won that game by the way).

The following afternoon while having lunch with a friend I told him the story of the flying bat.  My friend said “You know, Craig, one of these days there is going to be a story about you on ESPN Sports Center.  They are going to tell about some minor league team that comes off the field and into the stands and beats the shit out of you and they are going to call the story “Minor League Heckler.”   I pedaled my bicycle home from lunch that day and had the first chapter of this book written in my head before I got to my computer.  I never could have done it without you teaching me how to be a world class heckler!  This story is fictionalized (but awfully damned close to the facts) at the end of the first chapter of the book.

I was talking recently with Keith Popko and your name was brought up.  We thought it would be great if I could get you a copy of the book when it came out.  Keith contacted Tom Hagen who provided your mailing address and Keith then sent it to me.

Minor League Heckler was released on December 31, 2012, and my author copies arrived in the mail today. I wanted you to have the first copy.  I hope you enjoy reading it and I hope you enjoy the inscription on the title page.

The good news here is that the Baltimore Orioles do spring training in Sarasota and pitchers and catchers report on February 12. So, I have less than a month to go before I can watch a real sport again!

I hope all is well for you in retirement out in the desert.

And, again, thanks for teaching me so much so long ago.  

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

To Zane Chaffee - The World's Finest Literature Professor




Through the help of the Alumni Relations Director at the University of Wisconsin - River Falls I was able to track down Zane Chaffee the literature professor who turned this northern Wisconsin farm boy into someone who could not only crave literature but also create it himself.  My recent book "Continental Drifting" is dedicated to Zane Chaffee.  The letter I wrote to him transmitting the book follows:



Professor Zane Chaffee
Grantsburg, Wisconsin  54840

Dear Zane,

I was able to track you down through the UW River Falls Alumni Relations Director.  Several years ago I wrote to you when I couldn’t remember the name of a couple of stories you had us read in English 252 (Literature – Comedy) during winter quarter of the 1970-1971 school year.  One was a story titled “The Richest Man in Bogota” and the other was Tolstoy’s excellent story “How Much Land Does a Man Need.”  I wanted to read the former because I was about to embark on a trip to Bogota.  I wanted to re-read the latter because that story had a huge influence on me in my 31 year career as a wildlife biologist with the US Fish and Wildlife Service.  You can’t count how many times I asked a developer “just how damned much land do you people need anyway?”  I thought of you and that Tolstoy story each time I asked that question!

Also last time I contacted you I told you about my first travel book (fourth published book in total) “Somewhere South of Miami” that was published in 2002.  It was a mostly-true tale about how I used travel in the Caribbean, Central America and Mexico to heal from my divorce from my former wife Ruth James, daughter of former UW-RF wrestling coach Byron James.

I have continued my writing now that I am retired and recently had two new books come out in print (there is a third book about travel in South Africa that is in press).  One of those new books, “Continental Drifting” is dedicated to you.  The dedication reads To Zane Chaffee – The world’s finest literature professor.”  I made that factual statement because in my book you are.  Your Mark Twain-like wit and humor converted this northern Wisconsin farm boy (I’m from Barron County originally) from someone who was mainly content reading the labels on sacks of cattle feed into someone who craved literature.  You never made us read a book. You made us want to read a book!  You never bored us with dissecting words and word phrases and then making futile attempts at uncovering the author’s hidden meaning (there usually are no hidden meanings). Instead you helped us understand how words in print made us feel and you helped us understand our feelings.

Chapter 6 of “Continental Drifting” is titled “Where Papa Used to Fight.”  It’s a story about my time on the Bahamian island of Bimini – the place where Hemingway lived when he penned his book “Islands in the Stream.”  Beginning on book page 121 through page 124 I tell a story about you and how you influenced me so much.  I also recount the startlingly hilarious way that you entered the classroom on the first day of class for English 252 more than 40 years ago.

The last time I saw you in person was September 3, 1977, the day after my oldest daughter Jennifer was born.  I stopped at Swede’s Standard station (across the street from May and Johnson Halls) to tell Swede that Jennifer had arrived.  You were there picking up your car from being serviced.  Swede asked me about Jennifer and asked “Does she look like you or does she look like Ruth?” I thought about it a second and said “You know, Swede, she’s just this little pink wrinkled thing.”  You burst into laughter and said “Craig, you’re the first father I’ve ever heard tell the truth about his newborn child.”  You even made me laugh when I wasn’t taking a literature class from you.

When I sent you a copy of “Somewhere South of Miami” you wrote and said you looked forward to reading my “magic.” If I was successful you may also find magic in “Continental Drifting.

I hope all is well with you and yours.  Living in Grantsburg, you are just down the road from the Crex Meadows Wildlife Management Area.  It was one of the natural and wild areas that had a profound influence on me and helped shape the environmental ethic that I took with me throughout my career.  I hope you will think of me the next time you are out there looking at birds.

I don’t get back to Wisconsin very much any longer but in late June I will be in that state to our west that begins with an M and has a professional football team with purple jerseys (I refuse to utter that state’s name – it’s a Badger thing).  My oldest daughter (Jennifer mentioned above) will be getting married at my former wife’s home north of Brainerd and that isn’t too far from Grantsburg.  I just might have to come over to Grantsburg and take you out for a beer or two so I can once again hear you tell stories like those that made me want to read and tell stories like you did and to eventually turn my own stories into books.

Stay well, and thanks for being such a huge and enduring influence on me and my life. I guess that’s the true test of a great teacher, isn’t it?


cc:        Dan McGinty
            Director of Alumni Relations
            University of Wisconsin – River Falls (with copy of the book for the University Archives)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Letter to My Congressman on Gun Violence


It is profoundly disheartening to accept the fact that I am represented in the United States House of Representatives by Vern Buchanan .  Vern holds the distinction of being the 8th richest member of the United States Congress (House and Senate combined).  When Vern isn't busy dodging ethics investigations (he's a member of the Republic Party- of course he has ethics issues) he is out campaigning for re-election with the slogan "Working For You."  Well, it’s about time Vern went to work for me and not the 1 percent with whom he is in bed.

Recently President Obama encouraged the American public to write to their elected representatives and ask them bluntly for their opinion on controlling gun violence in America.  Barack also said to ask them why they are not supportive of regulations on gun violence.  I have done that in this letter that was just put in the mail box to old Vern (By the way, I've been told that when you email Vern he only tallies the number of emails and pays no attention to the content.  If you want to get his attention you need to write a hard copy letter).

Below is my letter.  Any bets on how quickly it falls on deaf ears?

Craig Faanes
University Park Florida 34201
January 20, 2013


Congressman Vern Buchanan
2104 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515

Re:  Gun Violence

Dear Vern

I am thoroughly fed up with the inability of the Republic Party membership in Congress to take any reasonable action to curb gun violence in the country.  Wasn’t the murder of those children in Connecticut enough to wake you up or are the campaign contributions you receive from the gun industry and the National Rifle Association more important?

I am writing to ask you bluntly - Will you support legislation to ban the sale and possession of assault rifles in the United States?  Yes or no.  If not, why not?

Secondly, Will you support legislation to limit the number of bullets that a gun can hold in its clip or magazine to something less than 10 bullets?  Yes or no.  If not, why not.

Third, Will you support legislation requiring mandatory background checks on all individuals intent on purchasing a gun (of any kind) thereby eliminating the internet and gun show loopholes.  Yes or no.  If not, why not?

I am a retired US government employee who was raised on hunting.  I was an avid duck hunter.  Since 1935 US Federal regulations have restricted duck hunters to having no more than two shotgun shells in the magazine of their gun on top of the single shell in the chamber.  I have not heard one duck or goose hunter in America claim that his or her 2nd Amendment rights have been infringed because of that law regulating how many shells they can carry at once.  If duck and goose hunters don’t have an issue why should anyone else?  Especially with a law that has been in place for 78 years.

Also as a former hunter I can assure you beyond the wildest claim of the National Rifle Association that I never once needed an assault rifle to hunt deer or squirrels or any other animal.  Assault rifles are for the use of the military not for the use of every drug dealer at the corner of 14th and K in Washington DC, and certainly not for the use of every nutcase who wants to shoot 20 children in an elementary school let alone former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords.

Vern, every year your campaign slogan is “Working for You.”  Well prove it Vern.  Prove to me that you are working for me and not the 1 percent who financially support your campaign every two years.  This person whom you allegedly work for wants you to put aside partisan name calling and voodoo witch hunts and do what’s right for the country.  Nobody has said a word about banning guns or confiscating them.  We want action to limit the ability of nutcases to get a gun and then their ability to shoot 100 people at a setting with them.  How can that be un-American?

Lastly, Vern, I would like you to answer my questions directly.  I do not want you to send me a form reply that some LA or an Intern wrote as a mass reply.  I want to know if you will or will not stand up for the rest of us for a change.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Interesting Black Vulture Behavior


Black Vulture on light pole.  Photo by Steve Schwartzman


Each morning when I drive to 7-11 to get my one cup of coffee for the day I see one Black Vulture perched on every light standard between my place and University Parkway. They are there every morning at dawn like clockwork.  When I typically see them they are roosted right near the junction of the support pole coming coming up from the ground and the arm that extends out to the lights. Think of a small r -  they are at that intersection.

This morning at 42 degrees out it feels like a brisk June day in North Dakota.  Just now as I drove to 7-11 the Black Vultures were roosted on every light pole as usual however today every one of them was sleeping while standing directly on top of the lights.  I wonder if they weren't doing that to help transfer a little of the heat escaping from the illuminated lights to their bodies to keep them a tad warmer? I would not blame them if they were.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

On Seeing a River Otter



This morning while on a bicycle ride through the “wilds” of suburban Sarasota I had the pleasure of watching an adult River Otter (Lutra canadensis) lope across Cooper Creek Parkway in front of me.  The otter came out of a wetland to the south (right on this aerial image) and then run to the median of the road.  There, as he attempted to cross the road and continue north he encountered some traffic that convinced him that crossing the road was a life-limiting activity.  Wisely he turned around and went back to the artificial wetland.  I was lucky and got to watch him twice.

The yellow pin shows the location of today's River Otter sighting.  Not exactly in the middle of the wilderness

Normally and usually people think of River Otter’s as being somewhere in the wilderness of the north woods of America but as the aerial image above demonstrates this River Otter is living large in a heavily urbanized area with an Interstate Highway just a few yards to the west.

I became fascinated with River Otters quite early in my life.  I think it all started with a television show on the “Wonderful World of Disney” that aired every Sunday night at 6:30 p.m. when I was a kid.  One Sunday the show aired an episode titled “One Day at Teton Marsh.”  A part of the episode included following a family group of River Otters as they played and fished and just generally goofed off in the wetlands of Grand Teton National Park in northwestern Wyoming.  The program left me fascinated with River Otters which, at the time, I had never seen in the wild.  I made it a goal to make sure that I saw one.  I visited Grand Teton National Park for the first time in 1970.  On entering the Visitor Center the very first thing I asked the Park Ranger who stood before me in her Smokey the Bear hat was “Where is Teton Marsh where they filmed the show “One Day at Teton Marsh?”  She crinkled up her nose at me and said “huh, what are you talking about?”  Twelve years later I discovered the spot where the movie was filmed but that's another story.

I started trapping furbearers in 1964, the same year that “One Day at Teton Marsh” aired on the Disney program.  I used to get up very early on Saturday mornings and pedal my bicycle one mile east of Cameron then one mile north and then another mile east to a place where Rice Creek crossed under the bridge.  There while filled with fantasies of someday being a trapper living off the land in the wilds of Canada, I set out 10-traps in the hopes of catching a muskrat or a mink or a raccoon.  Because of school (this was the 8th grade) I had to pull up the traps on Sunday morning and wait until the following weekend to reset them.  That first year I caught five muskrats and one mink.  Despite my lousy showing as a trapper (Sam Parker paid me $6.25 for my total year’s catch) I had all sorts of dreams about being a better trapper next year.

Through the winter and the following spring I read every issue of the Fur Fish and Game magazine that I could get my hands on.  My uncle Allen Beranek had a collection of FFG in his old closet in my grandparent’s home and I took them home and read all of them.  My reading was designed to help me be a better muskrat trapper.  However there were all sorts of stories about how to trap River Otters.  The authors of those stories made it sound like River Otter was the smartest creature on earth and only the best of the best trappers could ever catch one.  There was a trapper named David Barta who lived on a dairy farm along the Red Cedar River in Barron County who was the premiere River Otter trapper in my part of the world when I was a kid.  He always caught his limit of Otters every winter and I used to stand in awe of him for that ability. Many were the times I would stop at his farm with my dad and I would interrogate him about how to catch an Otter.  He would give up little bits and pieces of information but not much else.
Spring Creek east of Rice Lake Wisconsin. I learned more basics of biology along this stream than anywhere else on earth.

We moved to our farm east of Rice Lake in July 1967.  It was just one-quarter mile from Spring Creek which, luckily, had what seemed to me like a super abundance of Brook Trout in it.  I spent many hours traipsing up and down the stream bed of Spring Creek fishing for Brook Trout with my fly rod.  When I wasn’t fishing in those days I was hunting ducks or anything else that flew and when I wasn’t hunting I was trapping Muskrats and Mink and Raccoon along Spring Creek and nearby areas.  It was near the end of the 1967 trapping and duck hunting season, right about at the time of the first snowfall that I noticed River Otter tracks along the banks of Spring Creek.  For a budding Otter trapper this was very good information.

Otter tracks

River Otter is a very social animal.  They usually travel in family groups that can include mom, dad, and maybe up to five young (called kits when babies in my part of the world).  They have been variously called playful and comical and many other similar terms and all of them seem to fit.  I remember once when my youngest daughter was 2 years old she and I went for a walk in the heavily forested area known as the “Mikana Swamp.”  There we came on to a family group of River Otters sliding down a hill and diving into the water.  Dana and I sat motionless (amazing for a two year old) for almost an hour watching the Otters frolic around in the water.  I still remember Dana saying “they playing daddy” as we sat silently in the forest.
 River Otters just being River Otters

One characteristic of River Otters that can be there downfall is that they have a tendency to defecate in the same place all the time.  Biologists appropriately call these places Otter “toilets” and that is what they are.  Not long after discovering the Otter tracks on the banks of Spring Creek I also discovered an Otter toilet.  During my regular explorations of my “neighborhood” I would also regularly walk along the banks of the Red Cedar River by what we called the “Dobie Bridge” and sometimes I’d walk it down to the Highway 48 Bridge.  While walking this area I discovered another Otter toilet and much to my surprise around it in the snow I found an Otter track that looked like one I had seen along Spring Creek a few miles south.  I knew this because the middle toe on the right front foot was missing. 

The contents of an Otter toilet

Still later near Hawthorne Park where the Red Cedar dumps into Rice Lake I found another Otter toilet and it contained the same distinctive track as the one by the Dobie Bridge.  Adding to the mystery was the Otter tracks where Spring Creek leaves Lake Montanis.  Again, another Otter toilet and again the foot with the missing toe.  Looking on a map I could tell that these Otters were traversing an almost circular route during the winter.  With enough time and exploring that winter I learned about the biological concept of “home range” and these Otters had a home range of about 12 miles that they traversed in an average of 6 days.  The route went up Spring Creek to near its headwaters then cut cross country to the Red Cedar River by Campia.  From there they worked their way down the river to Rice Lake that they crossed along its eastern shore.  From Rice Lake they hopped over Orchard Beach Lane by Jachim’s house and spent time on Lake Montains then down to what I called "Johnson Lake" before turning north.  They passed throught he Lake Monntanis bog before finding the inflow of Spring Creek and following it back north to one-quarter mile from our farm. From there they continued the circle.
The Red Cedar River in Barron County Wisconsin

This was very good information for a budding Otter trapper.  I followed them like a Lion on an Impala for a year and eventually knew that if I went to Place X on Day Y and then hung out there long enough the Otters would put in a showing.  They always did and they almost always used the same pieces of ground and river bank and it was there that I decided to place some traps to catch one.
The circular home range (shown in orange) of "my" River Otters in Barron County, Wisconsin.  

I had 6 Victor size 4 double spring traps set specifically for Otter that winter.  Each one was set on an obvious Otter toilet and all I had to do was to wait for Mother Nature to call when an Otter was in the neighborhood and I would be able to graduate to the self-described rank of Supreme Trapper because I had caught the smartest furbearer in North America.

And I did catch one. Only one.  And when I took that one and only River Otter out of my trap that day along Spring Creek I felt so incredibly ashamed of myself for killing such utter beauty just for my own gratification that I did two things in less than an hour.  First and foremost I made a vow to myself to never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever set a trap anywhere near where there was even a remote possibility of catching another Otter.  Once that vow was made I jumped in our pickup truck and raced off to the other five traps I had set for this family group and hoped that none of the others had an Otter in them.  None of them did and despite trapping (and paying for my undergraduate degree by trapping) Muskrats, Mink, Raccoon, Fox, and Beaver for several years to come I never caught another Otter.
 An Otter pelt.  This picture was downloaded (without attribution) from Google Images.

As I have aged I have developed a deep appreciation for River Otters.  There is something about them that even when I see one in suburban Florida they still give me a sense of wonder and a feeling like I’m a kid again on Spring Creek tracking down where Otters go to take a dump. 

Otters have been persecuted for ages by misinformed people who believe they eat trout.  And trout, of course, are a very highly sought after sport fish.  However while in graduate school I conducted a little research on Otter food habits and I did this by collecting all sorts of Otter droppings at all of those Otter toilets and then identifying the fish they ate by looking at the fish scales in the droppings.  At the end of my research I discovered an interesting thing – at least where my otters were concerned about 96 percent of their food was made up of two fishes – Suckers and Carp.  Both are large, lumbering, and slow moving and consequently easier to catch than a sleek and fast moving trout.  And before you ask about the remaining 4 percent of the food items, they were evenly divided between Perch and Bluegills.  The Otters never touched a trout.

We are very lucky here in Florida to have an abundance of River Otters almost everywhere in the State.  I have not kept track but I would bet I have seen them in at least 50 of Florida’s 67 counties and I see them with great regularity.  Florida is the only place they occur in enough abundance that it’s not uncommon to find a road-killed River Otter lying on the side of the highway and that is especially true when you are out in the Everglades.  Other parts of the country are not so lucky and do not have half the apparent population of River Otters that Florida has.  Although the number of animals taken by trappers is regulated and managed what isn’t regulated and managed is the widespread and rampant destruction of wetlands on which River Otters depend.  To help conservation efforts the River Otter Alliance has been formed to educate people about these wonderful mammals and to affect changes that can benefit them and make sure that River Otters are on the landscape long after you and I are gone.
Chilled out River Otters (Photo by US Fish and Wildlife Service)

I hope they succeed and I hope 200 years from now there are still River Otters around so when some bicyclist pedals down Cooper Creek Parkway he or she has a chance to take a mini trip to the wilderness like I did this morning when I had a brief encounter with a River Otter.

About Returning from Africa


Paul Theroux ended his epic trans-Africa journey while riding the commuter rail from downtown Cape Town to Simon’s Town.  It was a route that I mimicked when I was in Simon’s Town.  It was as far south as anyone can travel by rail in Africa. Completing his journey, Theroux boarded the ultra-plush five-star Blue Train and rode it from Cape Town back to Johannesburg.  The Blue Train website says this about the train and its service:


The Blue Train is unique – it is not merely a train.  It combines the luxury of the world’s leading hotels with the charm of train travel.  Think of it as an all-inclusive luxury rail cruise with an opportunity to view South Africa’s spectacular landscapes and visit interesting tourist attractions along the way.
The opulence of South Africa's Blue Train
The website goes on to say, while discussing the Blue Train’s rates “… on this all-suite train the rates are ….inclusive of all meals, high tea, drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic) and off-train excursions.”   Excluded from the rates are “French champagne, caviar, and external telephone calls.”

All of this costs a paltry $1,500 US one way per person for an overnight trip.  Meanwhile lesser mortals can follow the same route for $60 US one way on the regular train routes.  About everyone on the Blue Train is white.  A similar contrast exists with airline travel. South African Airways flights are full service with both Business Class and Coach Class cabins.  Low cost airlines like Kululu.com have one class of service (a seat) and it’s all in coach. Fare differences are striking between the two with Kululu.com much cheaper.  When you sit in a South African airport watching planes board for departure, South African Airways passengers are almost entirely white; those on the low fare airlines are almost always black.

Many of the inequalities created and maintained by apartheid still remain in South Africa. The country has one of the most unequal income distribution patterns in the world: about sixty percent of the population earns less than about US$7,000 annually and two percent of the population has an income exceeding about US$50,000.  The haves and the have not’s of South Africa maintain the same unequal distribution of wealth as what is experienced in the United States.  Poverty in South Africa is still largely defined by skin color, with black people constituting the poorest layer. Despite the African National Congress government having implemented a policy of Black Economic Empowerment, blacks make up over eighty percent of the country's poor at the same time they are eighty percent of the population.

Eighty percent of the farms remain in the hands of white farmers; the requirement that claimants for restoration of land seized during the apartheid era make a contribution towards the cost of the land "excludes the poorest layers of the population altogether while a large number of white farmers have been murdered since 1994 (roughly 313 per 100 000 annually) in what campaign groups claim is a campaign of genocide.  Human Rights Watch contends that the publicity given to these murders and attacks removes attention from the plight of rural black people, and contend that they are purely criminal in nature. Regardless, crime against white farmers receives strong media coverage. Opposition against land reforms created fear that by removing commercial farmers from their land and dividing up the land to urbanized people with no comprehension of agriculture or agricultural management would lead to a state of famine.  South Africa sounds a lot like Zimbabwe.

Birds and other wildlife were the major reason for my trip to South Africa but so too was a desire to learn about race relations in a country that was a living laboratory for a college course in Race Relations 101.  What I discovered, in my view, is that South Africa just like the United States has many miles to travel before either country can say with a straight face that there is racial equality.  It’s true that apartheid has ended legislatively in South Africa but on the surface it has ended only because some politicians somewhere enacted legislation that some guilt ridden white person signed thinking that everything would be different when the ink dried.  That ink dried twenty years ago; the mentality of apartheid failed to dry with it.

Abraham Lincoln emancipated slaves in 1863 and oversaw the end of the Civil War in 1865.  Yet it took more than eighty years, until 1947, before a black person could play major league baseball in America. As late as the mid-1960s there were separate rest rooms and separate store entrances and separate sections of public buses for black people in America.  In 2008, exactly 145 years after slaves were emancipated in America the country elected its first black President and when it did look at how American’s responded. The Tea Party Anarchists almost rioted in the streets calling themselves “patriots” out of one corner of their mouths while out of the other side of their mouths they called the black President every nasty name they could concoct.  As they did, Rush Limbaugh went on his hate-filled radio program and begged for the black President and his policies to fail.

America looks like that after 145 years of the evolution of race relations and an attempt to consider everyone equal.   South Africa has had only twenty years of evolution.  Neither country will be rid of racial animosity until every person in both countries follows the words of the black gas station attendant in the township near Port Elizabeth who reminded me that if my skin was cut I would bleed red just like he would.
East Africa - Where We All Began
 We are all the same through all of our differences.  We all began from the same place and we adapted to fit our local environment.  In ecology it’s referred to as “adaptive radiation.”  It works for birds and it works for fish and it also works for human beings.  If you think pragmatically about the origin of human beings all of the evidence suggests that we first appeared in East Africa.  From there human beings radiated out in all directions until we have occupied virtually all of the earth except the rapidly melting poles.  However, at the level of our DNA, everything is the same no matter where you are or from where you came.  What is curious to me about that observation is the realization of what color skin was on the first hominids.  Most probably because our first ancestor arose in East Africa where the bulk of the population today is black, there is a very good chance that our original ancestor was also black.  From those black beginnings we changed with time into white people who lived in colder climates where there was less intense sunlight. We also evolved into yellow people and red people and brown skinned people because we adapted to the environment into which we moved.  We all came from the same place and we all looked the same. Then evolution took over and everything changed.  One of my biggest pleasures is explaining this theory to xenophobic racists.  White’s may be the dominant race economically, but they are not the dominant race at the population level and they were not the dominant race when evolution made homonids stand upright.   Still at our core we all remain the same.  That is something that can only be learned by travel and by exposing ourselves to things and places and people who make us feel uncomfortable.  Eventually if you learned from your experience all those things become a part of who you are.  It’s a lesson more people need to learn.
Air France Business Class Lounge at Johannesburg.  I Love Air France
Check-in for Delta’s nightly nonstop from Johannesburg to Atlanta was scheduled to begin at four in the afternoon.  Because my reservation was in Business Class I was given access to the Air France Business Class lounge where I read several newspapers and news magazines and I caught up with some of what had happened in the world while I was away.  The juxtaposition between where I had been and to where I was returning was stark. 

When my sixteen hour nonstop was complete I would be back in a land where the daily antics of the Kardashians are more newsworthy and greeted with greater anticipation than is information about the murder rate among sixteen year olds in Chicago.  Sixteen hours after lifting off from Johannesburg I would be in a land where if you asked people to identify Robert Mugabe, the murderous dictator of Zimbabwe, the bulk of the people would guess he was a linebacker for some professional football team.  In sixteen hours I would be back in a country where the only knowledge most people have of South Africa is that some guy named Nelson something was in jail there for some reason, and that the 2010 World Cup of soccer was held there.

After five weeks in South Africa I had morphed into someone who didn’t want to return to the land of the Kardashians, or Hiltons or of Lindsey Lohan.  I wanted to stay in a place where lions dine on impala when they can catch one, and where small flocks of bontebok nibble on grasses at the edge of the ocean, and where “robots” tell drivers and pedestrians what to do at an intersection.
Dinner - Lion style
 As I sat in the departure area waiting to board my flight, a group of bible thumpers from Iowa who had traveled to Swaziland to do a week of good deed doing, sat waiting in a group of chairs next to me.  They had built one house in a Swazi village during their week and felt that their effort would cause them to get a merit badge from god. Despite accomplishing their mission, they looked dumbfounded when I asked if any Swazi people had helped them in their house-building endeavors.
Do-gooders building a house in Swaziland.  Note the lack of any Swazi's learning from them.
 “Nobody but our group from Dubuque helped us,” Benton, the leader of the group and a local dentist, told me with great pride.  “You see it was our mission to build homes for these poor people who have so little.”  When I asked why they didn’t teach the Swazi’s how to build houses so they could do so when his group had returned home, Benton said rather emphatically, “You don’t understand the mission of Christians do you?”   I think I understand the mission of Christians perfectly and that is why I long ago gave up on organized religion.
Business Class seat on Delta's 777 from Johannesburg

On board the plane I was offered a glass of wine and some roasted nuts before departure.  Once underway I was treated to a sumptuous dinner of broiled quail and roasted vegetables with a blueberry tart for dessert.  Everything was washed down with an excellent French burgundy.  Meanwhile 20,000 feet below me people were eating their daily ration of rice and vegetables washed down with water from a decrepit and probably contaminated cistern.

We passed over Gaborone, the capital city of Botswana and not long after it, there was nothing below us but darkness.  For as far as I could see in all directions there was not a single electric light burning anywhere.  Instead it was raw wonderful Africa as it should be.  We passed over the endless Kalahari Desert for several hours. That emptiness stayed with me as we passed over the breadth of Botswana and it continued until we reached the coast of Angola and we were out over the South Atlantic.  My mind was overwhelmed with thoughts and fantasies of all the interactions that were occurring on the plains of southern Africa as our plane lumbered north and west through the African night toward the modern opulence of America. 

Ambien and French burgundy did their trick and I fell asleep not long after we passed over the coast.  I remained asleep for nine hours until we were approaching the coast of South Carolina.  North America was obvious in midnight sky with the glare of the lights of Charleston prominent on the horizon even 100 miles away.

We touched down in Atlanta at the exact minute predicted by the pilot sixteen hours and five minutes earlier when we lifted off from Johannesburg.  We shuffled our way through US immigration and then on to US Customs. The agent checking my bag at Customs asked me where I had been, how long I had been out of the country and who employed me.  Saying that I was a retired US government wildlife biologist he asked what I thought of South Africa.  “I have wanted to go there for as long as I can remember,” the agent said.
US Customs and Immigration - Atlanta International Airport
 Telling him a bit more about my experiences I mentioned the leopards, and about watching African elephants tearing limbs from trees just because they could, and watching the puff adder, and the story of the man whose leg was bitten off by a great white shark, and how beautiful the Karoo desert is at dawn, and about Upington, and about Springbok rugby, and about Lambert’s Bay, and about everything I came to love and appreciate about South Africa.  We talked for fifteen minutes and finally the Customs agent said to me as he waved me on, “I think you should write a book about your trip.”

I thought about his suggestion during the one hour connecting flight to Sarasota and decided that the agent had a good idea.  If nothing else reading a book I wrote about traveling throughout South Africa would take me back there any time I wanted to return.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Will Your Grandchildren Ever See a Rhinoceros?





A stuffy Brit from Wolverhampton waved his arms furiously as he stood on a bridge over a dry stream bed.  He was pointing to the south at a large dark gray object grazing on grasses near the edge of the stream bed.  I parked next to him and asked what he had found.  Excitedly he said, “There’s a bloody wildebeest!! It’s the first one I’ve seen in my life!”  Having already seen thousands of blue wildebeest in the last several days I thought that this had to be the man’s first day in Kruger.  If it wasn’t then he had been driving around with his eyes closed because blue wildebeest generally dotted the savanna like flocks of sheep on a South Dakota prairie. 

Even without binoculars I could tell that this large gray animal whose skin appeared to be painted on in patches was not a wildebeest.  It was something far rarer.  I went through the motions and then put down my binoculars saying, “Sir, I am a trained wildlife biologist and I want you to know that this is not a wildebeest, blue, black or any other kind.  My first clue that it was not any kind of wildebeest was that wildebeest do not have two large horns that point skyward from the end of their nose,” I said.  Then I added, “Your first wildebeest isn’t a wildebeest, it’s my first rhinoceros.”

Embarrassed by his mistake this man put his binoculars to his eyes again, peered through them for several seconds and then said rather sheepishly, “Bloody hell!  It’s a rhino!  You did very well for a Yank.”

In December 2007 there were an estimated 17,480 southern white rhino in the wild. South Africa is the stronghold for this subspecies conserving ninety three percent of all the white rhinos remaining.  There are smaller reintroduced populations in the historical range of the species in Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Swaziland, while a small population survives in Mozambique. Populations have also been introduced outside of the former range of the species to Kenya, Uganda and Zambia. 

Ignorance leads the list of reasons why the rhinoceroses of the world are in immediate danger of extinction.  There is a misinformed belief that has existed for hundreds of years that the horns of a rhino possess elixir like qualities that can cure hangovers and general malaise. This belief is especially true in China and Vietnam where trade in rhino horns is almost rampant. 

If the myth about the health benefits of rhino horn weren’t bad enough there is also the misguided belief that rhino horn works as an aphrodisiac.  This information is used from science.discovery.com

The power of many aphrodisiacs relies upon a medieval philosophy known as the "Doctrine of Signatures." People believed that God designated his purpose for things by their appearance; for example, if an herb was meant to treat the liver, then it would resemble a liver. For that reason, many of the aphrodisiacs on our list resemble genitalia, often phalluses.

While the horns of several animals, including those of the unicorn, have been touted as aphrodisiacs over the centuries, perhaps the most famous myth is that rhino horn is used for its aphrodisiacal properties. This myth has persisted in Western cultures despite significant educational efforts made by the World Wildlife Federation and other organizations.

In fact, rhino horn is used in Traditional Chinese Medicine to treat fever, high blood pressure, and other illnesses, but it is not used as an aphrodisiac. Rhino horn from Asian and Africa, used for these medicinal purposes, commands thousands of dollars per pound, and demand for the product has led to the death of hundreds of rhinos each year until most Asian countries banned the sale and use of rhino horn.

I vividly remember a night in Hong Kong when I sought out an apothecary to obtain something to help me combat a cold I had contracted.  When I asked for help I expected the person behind the counter to offer me Excedrin or maybe Benadryl to help my runny nose.  Instead she took me into a cavernous room where row after row after row of shelves held almost endless combinations of wild animal parts each, I was assured, would cure me of whatever ailed me.  The store clerk offered me what turned out to be dried deer anus and told me it was a traditional cure for a cold. “It work very well on your code.”  I told her I wanted something else.  She then reached over and picked up a container of rhino horn.  It sold for about $450 an ounce.

I asked what it was and she told me “It rhino horn.” 

“Rhino horn is good for curing my cold,” I asked.

“No, no, no, rhino horn not for code.  Rhino horn give you hard on that last week,” she said excitedly.  “It better than Viagra and keep you hard longer too.”  Walking through the throngs of humanity that make up China I realized that the last thing China needs is men running around with out of control erections.  I declined the rhino horn and asked for some aspirin instead.

If that was not bad enough, there is also a misguided belief among Arabs especially in Yemen that the horn of a rhinoceros is one of the best products that can be used to for the handle of a specific kind of dagger called a janbiya.   The price of a janbiya is in most cases determined by its handle. The saifani handle is known to be the most famous and is found on the daggers of wealthier citizens. The saifani handle is made of rhinoceros horn. Different versions of saifani handles can be distinguished by their color. Most other janbiya handles are made of different types of horns or wood. Apart from the material used for the handle, the design and detail on the handle describe its value and the status of its owner.  The saifani janbiya is often worn by dignitaries among them the Hashimites (an Arab tribe that claims a direct bloodline to the prophet Mohammed), the judges, famous merchants and businessmen.  The saifani janbiya of sheikh Al-Shaif, which goes back to Imam Yahia Hameed Aldeen, recently sold for $1,000,000 US.

My first night out of Kruger Park I stayed in Komatipoort where I read the local newspaper over dinner. There on the third page was an almost full page story about how just two days before forces of the South African military, the South African Police force, the South African National Parks agency and the South African wildlife authority had tracked down and killed one of three poachers who were stalking a lone white-lipped rhinoceros in a dry stream bed not far south of the Satara Rest Camp.  When the poachers were surprised they opened fire on the good guys who returned fire killing one of them as the two others sped away in a Land Rover.  Other details were sketchy at press time but the leader of the local South African military post assured readers that the other two poachers will be tracked down.  “When we find them they will be dead.” Justice in South Africa for even attempting to kill rhinoceroses is swift and often fatal.  It needs to be before there are none left.

Will my grandchildren or yours ever see a rhinoceros in the wild?  My guess is that if I had any grandchildren and if they wanted to see a rhinoceros anywhere but stuffed in a museum, they need to see it yesterday.  With more than one billion horny Chinese thinking they can get a perpetual erection from rhino horn, and with the Hashimites in Yemen willing to spend $1,000,000 on a knife with a rhino horn handle the animal has little if any chance of surviving.  Now I understood why I saw only one rhinoceros.  I was extremely fortunate to even see it.