On Catching a Foul Ball

This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball.... Nuke LaLoush in the movie Bull Durham

There are 10 major league baseball teams that I have not seen play in person. The most important goal for myself in 2011 (other than to see 500 new species of birds in South Africa in September and October) is to see all 10 of those teams play in person. Between spring training games and trips to Tropicana Field to watch games with the Tampa Bay Rays, and trips down to Miami to watch the Florida Marlins, I should have all 10 of the missing teams under my belt by the time the World Series rolls around.

One of the teams I have not seen play in person is the New York Yankees, the team everyone loves or loves to hate. Despite my strong dislike for the word hate, I hate the New York Yankees.

Today the Yankees played the Pittsburgh Pirates in a spring training game in Bradenton Florida. Thanks to the help of a good selection of seats being available the instant I phoned the Pirates to get tickets for this game, I was able to secure a very good seat. The seat was not quite close enough to do any serious heckling of Yankee players. And besides the only Yankee I wanted to heckle was Alex Rodriquez who did not play today. Still it was in prime territory for catching foul balls.

I was a catcher when I played baseball as a kid. It was then and remains today the greatest position on the field. Other than the pitcher, the catcher is involved in every play on the field. The catcher is responsible for knowing what is going on every second of every game. If someone gets a single and decides they want to steal second base, its the catchers responsibility to throw his ass out. If someone wants to try stealing home, it's the catcher who stands there in his "tools of ignorance" protective gear and blocks the plate to get the runner. If there is a play at the plate, its the catcher who puts himself between home plate and the runner and tries to block the runner from scoring a run. I suffered my first concussion as a ninth grader when I blocked home as someone slid into me in an unsuccessful attempt to score on a tight play at the plate. When the runner hit me he did so with his right elbow square on the top of my head. I went down like a shot deer, but I held onto the ball and he was out.

Catchers love that sort of stuff.

For the 2010 Bradenton Marauders season I sat directly behind home plate which was prime heckling habitat. After mid May I started bringing a catcher's mitt to my seat every night. Although being behind a protective net, I used my catcher's mitt as a second catcher's mitt for opposing pitchers to use as a target. I viewed it as an advanced form of heckling. Although its quite a stretch I think that on more than one occasion last summer I pissed off an opposing pitcher enough that he threw the ball at me rather than at his own catcher. I'll never know.

Today at McKechnie Field I brought my catcher's mitt with me. I do this at all games when I'm not sitting behind the protective home plate netting. I do so in the very rare chance that a foul ball comes near me and I have a chance to catch it.

When I took my seat in Box 15, Row 5, Seat 5 at McKechnie Field I sat directly in front of a couple from suburban Pittsburgh who had come down to Bradenton for a couple of weeks away from the snow and ice of Pennsylvania, and to enjoy a Pirates game or two. With them they brought their handicapped son Mike. Unfortunately Mike is confined to a wheel chair because of a handicap. It might be cerebral palsy that is his handicap. Not sure what it is, but Mike is a Pirates fan and from what I could tell he was enjoying the game.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Pirates hot prospect Corey Whimberly whom the Pirates obtained in a trade with the Oakland Athletics in October 2010, came to bat. The thing about Corey is that I think he is part deer. He is lighting fast running bases and is no slouch when playing at shortstop. He made it as far as the AAA level Sacramento River Cats before being traded to the Pirates. I have watched him in spring training drills and I've seen him in several spring training games and Corey is definitely someone that Pirates fans need to watch.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, with the count at 2 balls and 2 strikes, Corey smashed a solid foul ball on a line drive toward the left field seats. In fact he hit the ball directly at Box 15, Row 5, Seat 4 of the left field seats - one seat to my right and a seat that was not occupied. There was no arch to this ball. No lazy Texas league hit. It wasn't one of those high pop flies that seem to take forever before gravity takes over. This ball was hit and it was hit hard and it was coming directly at my part of the stands. The ball was following the law of mathematics that says the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. It was coming at us in a straight line.

This is the view from Box 15, Row 5, Seat 5 - prime foul ball catching habitat at McKechnie Field.

It had been 42 years since I last caught a baseball. Nearly half a freaking century. Still when I'm sitting in the stands holding my catcher's mitt, I almost instinctively move with every pitch. There is no other way to describe it. I guess once you are a catcher, then always you are a catcher.

That is how it worked today.

Corey's line drive came right at the head of the handicapped kid sitting behind me. My catcher instincts kicked in and I put up my catchers mitt and SMACK....it hit my glove and I caught it. Had I missed the ball, it would have hit this immobile handicapped person sitting behind me. At a minimum it would have caused him some pretty substantial pain. Worst case scenario, had it hit him in the head it could have killed him.

I was a lousy hitter when I was a kid. I held the conference record in 1968 for being hit in the head more times than any other batter. Opposing teams probably went out of their way to hit me in the head because of how thoroughly I heckled them from behind the plate. Still I was hit in the head 8 times and that caused me to not want to be close to the plate for fear of it being nine times. Although I could not hit to save myself I was pretty good defensively. Try stealing second base and your ass was mine. Try to knock me off the plate as you roared into home and chances are you would be the one walking away with a limp. Put a mitt in front of me and I would catch anything you threw at me.

Or in the case of Corey Wimberly today, anything hit at me.

I go to baseball games now because watching baseball is about the only reason that my 59 year old body can still feel like its inhabited by a kid. I heckle because it makes me feel young again. I watch incomparable Bradenton Marauder players like Brock Holt whom I am convinced will be starting for the Pirates in 2013 and they make me feel like I am a kid again. Seeing that screaming line drive off Corey's bat today, and then catching it, also made me feel like I was a kid again.

People around me after the catch applauded and some said "that was the best catch of the game." Others said "The Pirates ought to sign you." My first instinct was to look at Mike sitting behind me and make sure he was OK.

The ball hurt my hand like you wouldn't believe. I had a ruptured tendon in my left hand from high school (because that's where all these pitched balls would hit my hand) and wouldn't you know it Corey's line drive today was caught directly on that tendon. I can't count the number of Pirates employees who came up and thanked me for catching the ball, including my Bradenton Marauders usher friend. Everyone asked if I was OK and I told everyone who asked "I am a catcher. This is what we do."

Earlier in the game Mike had received a ball from the third base umpire so he was taken care of. Sitting next to his mother was a couple who had a handicapped grandson who loved baseball but was not able to come to today's game. I had heard that earlier in the game so I turned around and gave the grandmother the foul ball. I hope he enjoys it.

Today in my quest to make me feel like a kid again, I caught a line drive hit by a major league player. It didn't mean anything as far as the game was concerned, but for this former farm boy from the north woods of Wisconsin, it made me feel like I was behind home plate catching Rick Gates' exploding fastball or Terry Christopherson's hanging curve. If just for one more time.

Former National Audubon Society President Russell Peterson Dies

Good riddance Dr. Russell Peterson!

I met Russell Peterson in September 1981 when the National Audubon Society held their quarterly board of directors meeting in Jamestown North Dakota where I was stationed at the time. I was head over heels crazy about the National Audubon Society in those days believing, mistakenly, that Audubon was a real advocate for the earth.

In those days my fledgling family had gotten seriously into recycling aluminum cans. For recreation my then-wife and I would take our daughters (4 and 1 years old) out on day long aluminum can pick up jaunts. We regularly received permission from the North Dakota State Patrol and the Stutsman County Sheriff's Department to park along the verge of Interstate-94 where we would make forays to pick up aluminum. It got to where Jennifer, my oldest, could smell aluminum cans. We maintained a large bin of recyclable aluminium in our garage and regularly made runs to the fledgling recycling business in Jamestown where we were paid $0.25 a pound for aluminum cans. We were taking in hundreds of dollars from this effort.

Jennifer, my oldest rebel with a cause, decided that we should give our recycling money to the National Audubon Society because they were protecting the earth. Especially they were dead set against a huge wasteful water project called the "Garrison Diversion Project" that would have destroyed or harmed 17 National Wildlife Refuges in North Dakota and torn up uncountable acres of native prairie and prairie wetlands to irrigate 0.6 percent of the agricultural land in North Dakota. And all of this at the bargain basement (at the time) price of $2.3 BILLION dollars.

Audubon was against this project and had a Regional Vice-President (and friend of mine) Richard Madsen stationed in Jamestown to kill Garrison. Jennifer thought this was a great way to invest our recycling money so she determined that we would give all our recycling money to Audubon.

At the same time, Jennifer had coined the name "The Icky Man" for then-Secretary of the Interior James Watt, a Reagan appointee famous for many things including standing in the desert outside of Tucson Arizona and proclaiming that "desert is wasteland with no practical value." He was also a strong proponent of Garrison Diversion. Jennifer had developed a visceral dislike for Watt at 4 years old because Watt wanted to destroy, as a part of building the Garrison Diversion Project, a portion of a nearby Arrowwood National Wildlife Refuge where there was an abundance of white-tailed deer and sharp-tailed grouse, both of which she loved to watch.

Over a campfire at the National Audubon Society preserve near Spiritwood Lake one night during the Board of Directors meeting Jennifer handed Russell Peterson a check for our most recent recycling effort and told the President of the National Audubon Society, "I want you to stop the Icky Man, Mr. Peterson." As the filthy rich members of the National Audubon Society's board of directors all cheered and applauded, Russell Peterson told my four year old daughter that he would.

The next night the National Audubon Society's Board of Directors held a banquet dinner at the Holiday Inn in downtown Jamestown. My former wife Ruth and I were invited to attend and we brought Jennifer with us. We had the distinct honor of being seated with Durward L. Allen of Purdue University, one of the most prominent professors of wildlife biology in America at the time. Ruth, myself, Durward and his wife put away 2 bottles of Bailey's Irish Creme that night as we listened to the various speeches. Jennifer drank milk. Durward paid.

One of the most rousing speeches of the night was given by Russell W. Peterson, the President of the National Audubon Society. In his speech Peterson reiterated his strong disgust with Garrison Diversion. He lauded Regional Vice-President Richard Madsen for his stalwart defense of Audubon policy and his tireless advocacy in North Dakota and in Washington DC to kill this despicable water project. Russell even mentioned the various death threats that Richard had received in his almost-successful (at that time) efforts to kill Garrison Diversion. Peterson ended his rousing speech telling everyone in attendance, including my daughter Jennifer that "the National Audubon Society will never waver in its commitment to kill Garrison Diversion."

This was in September 1981. In mid-January 1982 Russell Peterson fired Richard Madsen because Rich took a stand contrary to Audubon Board member Wally Dayton (of Dayton Department store fame in Minneapolis) over mourning dove hunting. Fired him. They fired the single greatest impediment the Congress had to the construction of Garrison Diversion; the man who almost killed the Garrison Diversion project by himself. Doing so made Peterson a bald-faced liar because just four months earlier he told all of us that Audubon would not waiver in its assault on the project.

Russell Peterson lied to the Board of Directors of the National Audubon Society and to the members of the Jamestown Audubon Chapter, and to myself and my then-wife. More importantly, Peterson lied to my four year old daughter who had spent countless hours picking up aluminum cans to recycle so she could donate the money to Russell Peterson to stop things like Garrison Diversion.

I was more than upset.

To make matters worse, a year later, when the Garrison Diversion project was on its death bed in Congress, about to become the first water project in history to be de-authorized by Congress, the National Audubon Society, led by President Russell Peterson SAVED GARRISON DIVERSION from the chopping block. Saved it. The same project that 18 months earlier he said he would do everything in his power to defeat.

My disgust level for the National Audubon Society rose to astronomic levels.

In 1988, while stationed along the incomparable Platte River in Nebraska, Peterson's successor, one Peter A.A. Berle stood before the assembled masses at the Aubudon Society's annual "River Conference" in Kearney, Nebraska, and waxed poetic about Audubon's commitment to saving the Platte River. Berle then went on to provide a laundry list of all the wonderful things the Audubon Society was doing to protect the Platte River.

There was only one problem.

EVERYTHING on Peter A.A. Berle's laundry list of wonderful things the Audubon Society was doing to protect the Platte River was being done by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, the Nebraska Game and Parks Commission, the Platte River Whooping Crane Critical Habitat Maintenance Trust, and by a bunch of grade school kids in Grand Island Nebraska. Audubon was doing NOTHING but taking credit for what everyone else was doing. Berle's remarks that day rang as hollow as Russell Peterson's lie to my daughter in North Dakota seven years earlier.

Today while eating lunch at the British Pub I was completing my daily ritual of talking baseball with Mike Benoit and reading the New York Times. For some unexplained reason I found myself reading the obituaries as I thumbed through the other news. As I did I saw a headline for "R W Peterson, Conservationist" and wondered who that was. I then read the first line of the story, about this "conservationist" being the former governor of Delaware. I knew immediately it was Russell Peterson.

Except for when Republican members of Congress or the state legislature die, I'm usually not too happy when I read that someone has been outfoxed by the grim reaper. However today when I read that this "conservationist" who lied to my daughter and me and all of the United States about his commitment to kill a horrible water project that he ultimately saved had died, I realized that in the end there is some justice in the world.

I hope your departure was painful, Russ, you despicable liar.

You Might Be A Tea Bag Anarchist If.....

1) You’re offended at any suggestion that the Tea Party is racist, even though nobody objects when people show up at your rallies with blatantly racist signs and slogans.

2) Ronald Reagan is your hero because he was against raising taxes and big government… even though he raised taxes 11 times, doubled the national debt, and tripled the size of government.

3) You mocked Nancy Pelosi for getting emotional when she reflected on the murder of her friend, Mayor George Mosconi, but you think it’s manly when John Boehner blubbers when he watches reruns of Flipper.

4) You were all in favor of George Bush bringing “Democracy” to Iraq by invading and killing hundreds of thousands of women and children, but you think Obama “blew it” by staying out of it when the people of Tunisia and Egypt toppled their dictators in popular revolts.

5) You think Climate Change is a big hoax because Senator James Inhofe, firmly in the pocket of the oil companies says it’s bogus.

6) You think president Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery, and that he managed to fool the CIA, FBI, NSA, Secret Service and the entire US government archive of documents with one Photoshopped image.

7) You think president Obama is a socialist, because he wants all Americans to pay their share of taxes, including the rich, and all Americans to enjoy the same benefits of an equitable society, including the same healthcare that Congress enjoys.

8) You think Glenn Beck’s theory of a Code Pink/Muslim/Communist alliance conspiracy to take over the world in a 21st Century caliphate makes perfect sense.

9) You believe the Citizens United decision was all about corporate “free speech,” yet you’re against the Fairness Doctrine being reenacted, because you think it’s contrary to “free speech.”

10) You are absolutely pro-life, under all circumstances — except when an abortion doctor is executed in his church, because he asked for it.

11) You thought it was cool when Sarah Palin “targeted” Democratic seats on her website with crosshairs, including Gaby Giffords. But when Giffords was shot in Arizona, you didn’t see any connection.

12) You think Sarah Palin would make a good president because she’s a feisty conservative, but that Diane Feinstein should be run out of town, because she’s a feisty liberal.

13) You think George Soros, a Hungarian born American citizen, is an enemy of freedom because he uses his vast wealth to meddle in foreign affairs. But you think it’s great that Rupert Murdoch, an Australian citizen, uses his vast wealth to meddle in American affairs.

14) The main reason you despise George Soros, is because he helped bring down three foreign governments; the Ukraine, Czechoslovakia, and Soviet Georgia. Three communist regimes. Ronald Reagan on the other hand, took down one communist regime: Grenada… Reagan: 1, Soros: 3. Ergo, Soros is an un-American commie. Besides, Sean Hannity said so.

15) You think being a Teabagger makes you more patriotic than liberals, because you own more guns than them wussies.

16) You screamed bloody murder when president Obama rescued GM and Chrysler, because they were “going to fail anyway.” But now that they’re both on the road to recovery, you think George W. Bush deserves most of the credit.

17) When Barack Obama was sworn in, the Dow Jones was at 6500. Today, it’s at 12,400, almost double where it was. And at that time, the economy was shedding 700,000 jobs per month, a trend that has been arrested and reversed ever since. From that, you deduce Obama’s the one who wrecked the economy.

18) You still believe Saddam had WMDs.

19) You are dead-set against “judicial activist” judges, but you were okay with it when the five conservative justices of the Supreme Court voted in favor of Citizens United, effectively guaranteeing our politicians will be bought by the highest bidder, rather than elected by the people.

20) You’re strongly opposed to gay rights, because you claim it’s not biblical. Except in the case of Ken Mehlman, Mary Cheney, and Ted Haggard, because they still vote “right” on the issues.

21) You want all illegal immigrants rounded up and deported, ASAP, no exceptions, period, period, PERIOD. But you don’t want any criminal charges filed against the corporations that have been hiring them en masse in violation of law.

22) One of your stated concerns with Barack Obama’s candidacy, was that he was too inexperienced for the job, yet you want Sarah Palin to challenge him next year.

23) You hate tax cheats, and people who abuse their status for personal advancement — but you admire Clarence Thomas, and have no problem with his wife “speaking on behalf of her husband” at the Heritage Foundation, a far right-wing organization.

24) You went ballistic when an illegal immigrant murdered an American in Texas two years ago, and you demanded justice. But when three members connected to the Tea Party murdered 9 year old Brisenia Flores, you and your right-wing media barely even mentioned it, nor the conviction.

25) You equate being a “community organizer” to being a Marxist, yet you claim to worship a God whose entire life was being a community organizer.

26) You claim Barack Obama is soft of terrorism and that he’s sympathetic to Muslim extremists. Yet during his first two years in office, his administration captured or killed more terrorists than George Bush did in all eight years of his presidency.

27) You cheered as Andrew Breitbart and his faux journalists brought down ACORN. But when Breitbart got caught doctoring footage of Shirley Sherrod, which brought into question his veracity, you accused her of waging a “race war.”

28) You support Israel’s policies regarding the West Bank and Gaza, because Israel is a democracy, like us. But when Arabs democratically voted in anti-American and anti-Israeli governments, it bewildered you.

29) Your spiritual hero, the Grande Dame of the conservative movement, is Ayn Rand; the dedicated anti-socialist. And yet, she herself in her later years, had no problem secretly cashing in on social security and Medicare.

30) You still think fascism and socialism are the same thing, because Glenn Beck has convinced you of that with his magic blackboard. This way, nobody can accuse you of being similar to the Nazis… even though you are.

Louie, Louie

Forty seven years ago today, February 17, 1964 the Federal Bureau of Investigation launched a sweeping investigation into a problem that threatened to subvert the nation. Namely, were the lyrics to the song, Louie Louie, by the Kingsmen obscene or not? After months of intensive analysis, the bureau was unable to conclude what the actual lyrics were, and the case was dropped. The tune, written by Richard Berry, remains the nation’s most popular party song.

Thanks to my friend Dave Hilsheimer for bringing this important tidbit of musical history to my attention.

Winter Officially Ended on Monday

Despite the calendar saying we have more than a month to go before the spring equinox, winter officially ended yesterday in Bradenton Florida. It ended at about noon when the pitchers and catchers for the Pittsburgh Pirates took to the training fields at their Pirate City facility to start another season of the greatest show on dirt.

Although yesterday was billed as the opening day for pitchers and catchers, when I arrived about 12:30 it appeared that the entire team (including position players) was on the field. I found my friend, Bradenton Marauders announcer Joel Godett who said that even though position players didn't officially start until next week, "... almost all of them are here now. Some have been here two to three weeks already." I guess that means that the 2011 season really started on Monday.

At its peak there were more than 100 fans milling around between the four practice fields. I was pleased to see several of my friends from the stands at Bradenton Marauder games there. I think, like me, they came out to watch "our" kids practicing with the major leaguers.

Six of the 2010 Bradenton Marauders team were on the field including four pitchers, each of whom made the 40 person team. Also there were invitees Tony Sanchez and fellow catcher Eric Fryer. Although Tony gets all the media attention, I think that Eric is a better defensive catcher than Tony. All Eric needs to do (no easy task I'll admit) is improve his ability as a hitter and he will be on his way to the Show in the next couple years.

Catcher Eric Fryer is on the left

Perhaps the sweetest sound in baseball is the "thwack" you hear when the meat of a bat makes contact with a ball. There was no shortage of that sound as players made the rounds in the batting cage. Granted its only spring training, and granted its only batting practice, but I think some of the disgruntled Pittsburgh Pirates fans would have been pleased to watch baseballs rocketing out of the practice fields and over the outfield fence.


While the pitchers were working with their pitching coaches perfecting their motion and putting some extra spin on their curve balls, position players were perfecting their swing during individual sessions with hitting coaches. In the picture below fellow Wisconsin native Jason Jaramillo is seen working with a coach on getting his swing timing perfected.


Yesterday's practice ended about 2:30 or so when the 60 some players on the field retired to Pirate City for afternoon meetings. Before they left a bunch of the players hung around signing autographs and having their pictures taken with fans. This included a boy of about six years old who stood with outfielder Andrew McCutcheon's as his dad immortalized the scene on their digital camera. That kid will likely never forget that scene yesterday.

The Pirates will continue daily workouts at Pirate City until February 25 when they play their first spring training game of the year against the State College of Florida in a benefit game at McKechnie Field. I have a seat for that game (along with tickets for 13 other spring training games) directly behind home plate. I can't wait for the first pitch to be thrown that day, and to watch as our kids from the Bradenton Marauders take to the field and show Pirates management that they deserve a place on the 25-person roster for this year. But if not this year then next. Despite being in prime heckling habitat for the opening game I won't heckle a college team playing major leaguers. However on March 1 the Pirates play the New York Yankees. I have a feeling Alex Rodriquez is going to be asked a few questions about Cameron Diaz. It would be so cool to have A-Rod come off the field and into the stands to try shutting me up!

As I moved between the practice fields I met an older man (whose name I can't remember) from Pennsylvania who wanted to know about Tony Sanchez during his injury-shortened 2010 season. Talking with this gentleman was a real rush because he is into minor league baseball just as deeply as I am. His team is the Class AA Altoona Curve. The Curve is the next stop for many of the Bradenton Marauders as they work their way up in the system. As we talked this man said that he likes minor league baseball because "the kids are still approachable in the minors. They haven't been diluted by million dollar salaries and they are all there playing their hearts out every day hoping for that one break that sends them to the Show."

After becoming addicted to minor league baseball in 2009 and having that addiction intensified by the great performance of the 2010 Bradenton Marauders I can't agree more with what that man said.

I plan to be at Pirate City again today to watch the second day of the spring ritual. Practice begins at 10:00 a.m. this morning and will be at that time every morning until the first game. It's funny how despite yesterday being the first day of spring training I was already thinking to the first day in 2012 and wondering if incomparable Marauder players like Quincy Latimore, Starling Marte, Jeremy Ferrell, Brock Holt and Noah Kroll will be in spring training with Eric and Tony. But I need to stop getting ahead of myself. We need to get all of them up to Class AA or Class AAA this year and then worry about 2012.

I think the best part of being there is despite being 59 years old, watching the Pirates on the field makes me feel like I'm back on a vacant lot in my native Wisconsin fifty years ago when I was playing baseball with Keith Popko and Chuck Olson and the rest of our gang. Every one of us back then talked about our dream of being a major league baseball player one day. None of us ever did, of course, but watching spring training and being close to the field and talking with major leaguers makes me feel like we did just the same.

A Hint of Spring Training in the Air

This morning I ventured up to the corner of Tuttle Avenue and 12th Street to see the progress being made in the refurbishing of venerable Ed Smith Stadium, the "winter home" of the Baltimore Orioles. Refurbishment is moving along nicely as this picture suggests and all indications are that the stadium will be open for business on March 1 when the Baltimore Orioles take on the Tampa Bay Rays (or what's left of the Tampa Bay Rays) at 1:05 p.m. that day.

The newly renovated Ed Smith Stadium will be welcomed relief from the grizzled old facade of the stadium when the Cincinnati Reds and the now deceased Sarasota Reds used to play there. Probably the most obvious exterior change will be the Mediterranean "feel" of the architecture of the new facade.

Gone are the horrid old faded blue seats that used to make sitting for nine innings a real challenge. They have been replaced by seats brought down from Camden Yards in Baltimore. Another addition in the new Ed Smith stadium is the construction of a party deck in left field. There the seats you purchase are either along a bar rail or scattered around the bar itself. Unfortunately they don't sell season tickets in the party deck or I would have purchased one.

Actually it wasn't until today that I finally decided to purchase any tickets for the Orioles spring training. I had planned on boycotting the Orioles because of the ridiculous "birther" comments of Orioles designated hitter Luke Scott who made a big splash a month or so ago when he told the press that he believes Barack Obama wasn't born in the United States and therefore isn't legally the President. However when I was at Ed Smith today I decided to get a couple tickets to games so I could heckle Luke Scott. I can just hear it now "Hey Luke, you myopic prick, where's your birth certificate"?

The Orioles are hosting 17 home games during the spring training season. I had written the team back in December asking for a package of information on spring training, including dates when the team would show up for work outs, but the Orioles felt they didn't have to answer my request. I decided in exchange to become a Pittsburgh Pirates supporter instead. Unlike the Orioles, when you ask the Pirates for information people in their organization bend over backwards to help you out. I remembered that and my spring training allegiance changed accordingly.

Buying tickets for the Orioles spring training games was another reason I prefer the Pittsburgh Pirates. For the pirates you walk up to the box office and purchase tickets. Pretty simple. For the Orioles you pull up to their winter headquarters building and then stand in line while a rent-a-cop from some security company lets people in the room one person at a time to purchase the tickets. Maybe Luke Scott's paranoid pontifications have made the entire Orioles team a bit daft. A rent-a-cop at a spring training ticket venue? I'll buy tickets from the Pirates any day.

I stood outside for 25 minutes (there were four people ahead of me) talking with other baseball fans. Curiously none of the fans around me were Orioles fans! A 900 year old couple from Massachusetts was there to buy tickets for any of the Boston Red Sox games. They were shocked when I told them I have never been to Fenway Park. Standing next to them was a guy with an obvious New Yawk accent who was there to buy tickets for New York Yankees games. Next to him was an obnoxious couple wanting to score Philadelphia Phillies tickets (considering which team they follow it was appropriate they were obnoxious - their team is, why not the fans?), and next to the Phillies fans was a couple there to purchase tickets to watch that team from the state just west of Wisconsin whose name (the state and the team) I refuse to utter.

That's it. Not one Baltimore Orioles fan that I could see. Everyone was there for a team other than the Orioles.

I bought tickets for two games. One, on March 9, will be against that team from west of Wisconsin whose name I refuse to utter. The other ticket was for for the last Orioles spring training game of the year - against the Toronto Blue Jays, a team I like because they are from Canada, eh, and I love Canada. I went to a Blue Jays game last spring in Dunedin and developed a liking for the Jays - after all they are named after a bird! I also enjoyed the fact that Knology Stadium in Dunedin (which has now been re-named Florida Auto Exchange Stadium) where the Jays do spring training and where the Dunedin Blue Jays play in the Class A Advanced Florida State League, has Leffe beer on sale in one of the bars. Talk about a class act having Leffe for sale. You have to like the team for that reason alone.

I was in and out of the purchasing area in less than 5 minutes. It was still weird having a rent-a-cop (who has no law enforcement authority whatsoever) hovering over everyone sitting there purchasing tickets. Had I wanted to be a prick I would have just said "boo" to see if all the blood drained from his face.

As of today, I have tickets for the following spring training games:

February 25 - State College of Florida v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 1 - New York Yankees v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 2 - XXXXXXXXX XXXXs v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 9 - XXXXXXXXX XXXXs v Baltimore Orioles in Sarasota

March 10 - Baltimore Orioles v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 13 - St. Louis Cardinals v New York Mets in St. Lucie

March 17 - New York Mets v Boston Red Sox in Fort Myers

March 18 - Detroit Tigers v Boston Red Sox in Fort Myers

March 19 - Boston Red Sox v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 20 - Detroit Tigers v Washington Nationals in Brevard County

March 21 - XXXXXXXXX XXXXs v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 23 - Houston Astros v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 27 - Tampa Bay Rays v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton

March 29 - Toronto Blue Jays v Baltimore Orioles in Sarasota

Fourteen games should be enough to hold me until the Bradenton Marauders take the field for their home opener against the Charlotte Crab Cakes on April 8.

If I need to see more spring training games I'll buy the tickets from the Pittsburgh Pirates and go watch "my" team play. It will be a much more enjoyable experience than standing in line and being watched over by a rent-a-cop so I can buy a ticket to watch a "birther" who hates the President of the United States.

Wait a minute, I know what I'll do. I'll go buy tickets for the Orioles v Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton and go heckle that little anarchist bastard Luke Scott in Bradenton instead. Yup. That's what I'll do.

My Uncle Buck

It was on this lake and in these woods that my Uncle Buck helped teach me how to be a biologist.

I learned this morning from a high school friend that my bombastic Uncle Buck (Neil) Beranek committed suicide at about 9:30 a.m., Central Time, in Rice Lake Wisconsin. He had been quite despondant for some time and this morning he reached the end of his ability to cope. He just turned 75 years old on December 15.

Buck was well known for his bombast and story telling and there was no end to the stories he could tell. There was a reason my cousin Boyd and I gave him the title of "The Supreme Bullshitter" many many years ago. He taught me how to trap muskrats and mink which is how I paid for my undergraduate degree in college. He taught me how to ice fish, and how to fillet a fish, and how to track animals in the forest. He even taught me how to tap maple trees and how to turn their sap into maple syrup. His one passion was deer hunting - he loved that almost as much as anything else.

This coming Monday, January 17, will be the 17th anniversary of my dad's death. After his funeral my cousins and I went out to find Buck and located him in the VFW in Rice Lake. As we talked with him, an unsuspecting woman walked in and sat down alone at a table.

Deciding to be neighborly, my Uncle Buck walked up to her and said, politely, "Can I smell your pussy"?

The woman indignantly snorted "NO!"

Buck simply shrugged his shoulders and said "Well, must be somebody else's then" and walked back to his seat.

People always tried to one-up Buck but nobody could succeed until the night of my mom's funeral in November 1996. Buck was always bragging about all the sex he was having (no doubt the latest Buck story).

As he told us of his imaginary conquests, a smile crossed my face and I said "Buck, when was the last time you had sex with a female that didn't have four hooves?"

For the first time in recorded history Buck sat in total silence and did not have a come back. My cousin broke the silence and said "I never thought i'd see it. Buck Beranek had absolutely nothing to say."

That was quintessential Buck Beranek. As my friend Mike DeCapita said when I told him some Buck stories, "Your Uncle Buck was a piece of work." That he was.

Buck had been divorced for more than 30 years and was never able to put aside the anger and hurt he felt from having that happen to him. Living in a beer bottle all these years didn't help matters much either. Hopefully now that his internal torment is over his soul will finally be at peace.

"Grieve not long because he is gone, but rejoice forever because he was."...Dave Hilsheimer (my friend)

Spring Is in The Air in Florida

According to the calendar, winter officially began 21 days ago today. However this morning in Bradenton Florida it was most definitely the first day of spring.

The Pittsburgh Pirates started their spring training "mini-camp" yesterday at their Pirate City facility on the east side of Bradenton. None of the players are required to be there for the week long mini camp. However by the number of players present I don't think many stayed away.

I arrived about 10:15 and saw several of my friends from the 2010 Bradenton Marauders season. Although the major league players were present, my interest was in the 60 or so minor league players who had shown up for the camp. It was refreshing to see Marauder catcher Eric Fryer with whom I had a nice chat before he took the field.

Calvin "The Bus" Anderson was there and I enjoyed watching him take batting practice that will hopefully lead to a few more David Ortiz-quality home runs in 2011. Once Calvin becomes proficient at destroying a curve ball like he can a fastball, we'll be watching Calvin move up in the organization.

My most favorite Marauder, shortstop Brock Holt was also at the mini camp. Brock told me that he was almost completely recovered from the torn meniscus that kept him out of about half of the 2010 season. With Brock healthy in 2011, I think we can expect to see some more spectacular plays at shortstop from him. And if Brock isn't at least with the AA level Altoona Curve or more preferably the AAA level Indianapolis Indians by the end of the 2011 season I'll be extremely surprised. If Pirates management uses its head they will be particularly careful not to lose Brock Holt to any other team. If he stays healthy, I think we'll be seeing Brock playing in the Major League All-Star game in about 4 years. He's that good.

Although there were no strenuous workouts or scrimmages it was refreshing to again hear a ball slap against the leather of a baseball glove and to hear the unmistakable "twack" that comes from a baseball hitting the meat of a bat and being sent on a trajectory toward the left field fence.

Nothing exciting happened on the field at Pirate City today but to me everything I saw was exciting. Official spring training for the Pittsburgh Pirates including, hopefully, many of the Bradenton Marauders, will begin about February 10, and the first game of the spring training season is on February 25. More importantly the first game of the Bradenton Marauders 2011 season is on April 8th, just 87 days from today.

But who's counting?

A Class Action Lawsuit and Money Management International

I received in the mail today a notice from a law firm informing me about a class action law suit against Money Management International. I contracted with MMI in October 2005 to help get me out of $53,000 in credit card debt which they did in 39 months. My part of the agreement was that I paid MMI $40.00 per month to manage my account and disburse the funds to the credit card companies. My first payment was in October 2005 and I paid off my obligations in January 2009. In other words I paid them $40 per month for 39 months for a total outlay of $1,560.

Someone brought suit against MMI claiming that they violated the letter and the spirit of the Credit Repair Organizations Act by operating as a for-profit organization when the Act requires them to operate as a not-for-profit. Rather than fight it in court MMI agreed to an out of court settlement of $6.5 million. After attorney fees are taken out, $4.7 million remains to be divided up among those of us "harmed" by this action. There were 415,000 clients of MMI during the period covered by the law suit. According to the information in the letter I will be receiving a payment from this class action law suit some time in the spring of 2011.

Before booking a flight in first class to Tahiti, I pulled out the calculator to get an idea of what sort of settlement I will be receiving. The calculator told me (after running the numbers 3 times) that if everyone receives an equal proportion of the settlement I can expect a payment of $11.32. Yup, that's it. Eleven dollars and thirty two cents.

I'm certainly glad I didn't book that first class flight on Air Tahiti Nui before doing the calculations.

A Letter to the Internal Revenue Service

I found the letter below while cleaning out some files today. This letter accompanied a personal check for $87.00 that was in addition to more than $19,800 I had already paid in through payroll deductions to satisfy my tax obligation for the 2007 tax year. As you will note by the time you get to the end of the letter, none of the things I requested happened but it was still nice to try.

About a year later in I filled out an application for "membership" in Sam's Club. While filling it out the employee helping me asked how it was possible that I was retired and still so young. I told her that the retirement system in the Federal government I was under allowed me to leave with 30 years of service at 55 years of age, so I left. She snorted and said "ah, ha! my tax dollars at work." I replied "ma'am, I paid almost $20,000 in taxes just to the Federal government last year. How much did you pay?" She glared at me and walked away.



February 7, 2008

United States Department of the Treasury
Internal Revenue Service Center
Atlanta, Georgia 39901-0114

Dear Internal Revenue Service

Attached to my Form 1040EZ is a check for $87.00 to cover the additional taxes I owe above and beyond the $19,833.02 in Federal taxes that were taken out of my check through payroll deductions throughout the year.

That means my total Federal tax paid in 2007 was $19920.02. I thought Bush’s tax cuts were supposed to help the middle class? Oh, wait. His tax cuts help only the top 1 percent of Americans. How silly of me to forget.

With this letter and my additional payment of $87.00 for a total of $19920.02 paid to the Treasury this year I have a simple request.

NONE of these funds are to be used by the Failure in Chief in the White House or any of his clones to facilitate the killing of one more American kid in Iraq. NONE of these funds are to be used by the Failure in Chief in the White House or any of his clones to kill one more innocent Iraqi’by American forces. NONE of these funds are to be used to transport another American kid from any military base to any post in the world where Bush claims we are fighting his war on “turism.” Furthermore, NONE of these funds are to be used by the Department of Homeland Surveillance to harass travelers at airports. NONE of these funds are to be used by the Department of Homeland Surveillance or the National Security Agency to listen in on private phone calls between law abiding citizens just because the Failure in Chief thinks they might be a turist. NONE of these funds are to be used by the CIA or any other agency to torture innocent Arabic people sequestered without habeas corpus at Guantanamo Bay Cuba. NONE of these funds are to be used by any cretin in the Justice Department who wants to jerk around sitting United States Attorney’s who are deemed to not be loyal Bushies.

In fact, NONE of these $19920.02 are to be used for any purpose other than to help the less fortunate in this country. That’s the purpose of government – to help people – not to turn the nation into a god damned police state.

Thanks for passing this message on to the Failure in Chief. Luckily for America one year from today that bastard will be out of office and hopefully in the Hague Netherlands sitting in his war crimes trial with Cheney, Rumsfeld, Feith, Rice, Wolfowitz and the rest of those deceitful creeps.

Come to think of it IRS, I want all of my taxes paid in 2007 to be applied to prosecuting Bush and the rest of the criminals in his administration. OK?

No Cost Of Living Adjustment for Federal Retirees

I just sent the following memo to Senator Bill Nelson (D-FL) regarding the lack of a cost of living adjustment for Federal retirees for the second year in a row. Nothing will happen because I don't contribute mega dollars to his re-election campaign. However given that he's a Democrat he might at least give it some lip service.


Dear Senator Nelson

I am a Federal retiree having spent my entire 31 year career with the US Fish and Wildlife Service. I retired in Washington DC in late February 2008 and moved the next day to Florida. I have been living on my Federal annuity ever since.

Federal law dictates that Federal retirees are to receive cost of living adjustments that are commensurate with the current rate of inflation. During 2009 and 2010 the national inflation rate was flat and accordingly we received no cost of living adjustment.

That flat rate did not take into account increases in our health insurance premiums (mine has gone up each year), rising costs of rent and food, the sky-rocketing cost of gasoline (it was $2.50 a gallon in Sarasota in October and is $3.16 a gallon today), the rising cost of cable television and internet connectivity (Comcast) or even the rising cost of a bottle of beer.

All of that has occurred yet Federal retirees have received no increase in our annuity despite those obvious and documentable increases in costs.

At the same Federal retirees have not received a penny in annuity cost adjustments the Congress of the United States saw fit to pass legislation giving the top two percent of salary earners in the country more tax breaks. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett and Congressman Vern Buchanan (R-FL) do not need more money in their bank accounts. I do and so do millions of other Federal retirees.

The President made a huge deal out of his agreement with the Republicans that gave Warren Buffett more millions of dollars this year. He failed to mention that the new tax law has ZERO benefit in it for Federal retirees living on an annuity.

I feel like I have been hosed while Warren Buffett dines on caviar from his new tax breaks.

What do you propose should be done to fix this horrific inequity toward Federal retirees? Retirement is a growth industry in this state so you more than most Senators should be keenly aware of the effects of actions on retirees. Its bad enough that active Federal employees have to deal with no salary increase this year. At least they can still get step increases if they are eligible. Federal retirees don't have that luxury.

Should you decide to write back on this issue I would appreciate a letter telling me how you feel and what you plan to do about this inequity. I do not want to receive a form letter prepared by one of your interns or a Legislative Aide.

Thank you.

Is a Florida Year List of 400 Species Possible?

I met Chris Haney in Athens, Georgia, in May, 1984. At the time he was a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Georgia and I had just transferred there from a wildlife research center in North Dakota. As we stumbled along the banks of the Ocoee River finding my life Swainson’s Warbler, Chris told me that besides getting his PhD his goal in life was to see 300 species in Georgia in one year.

Having grown up in northern Wisconsin I was more than pleased to get 230 species in the Badger state in a year. One year in the early 1970s Daryl Tessen found an incredible 264 species in the state. It was then a milestone. Certainly 300 species in Georgia was never going to be attained. However in 1984 Chris Haney beat my prognostication and came in with a list of 308 for the year.

His success with a robust year list in 1984 and all the traveling he did to achieve that goal lay dormant in my mind until a couple years ago when I retired and moved from Washington DC to Naples and then a year later to Sarasota. Living on the west coast half way up the peninsula I thought that I was ideally located for making strategic chases in the hopes of finding as many birds as possible within the borders in a calendar year. I was only four hours from Miami, seven from Key West, five from Jacksonville, and three from Titusville. If I really wanted to be a masochist, it was an “easy” nine hour drive to Pensacola when needed.

Several factors conspired to make it impossible to attempt a big year in Florida in 2009 so I settled on trying in 2010. Information I gleaned somewhere said that the Big Year record for Florida before 2010 was 374 species. It was a number I thought I would never reach so I set my goal at 325 species. Of course long ago I thought that nobody would ever surpass Lou Gehrig’s record of playing in 2,130 consecutive baseball games either. Yet when Gehrig’s record was beaten it wasn’t beaten it was smashed.

Scouring the list serves and other data sources in late December 2009, it was apparent that to get the year off to a positive start I had to be in the western Panhandle in early January and on January 6 I set off for Pensacola. It turned out to be the first of 14 round trips I made to the Panhandle in 2010 but the effort to get there was always fruitful. Before making that first long trek (its 519 miles one-way from Sarasota to Pensacola) I began the year birding Sarasota and Manatee counties. My first bird of the year, seen from my lanai on January 1, was a Wood Stork. It turned to be a positive omen for the year.

Making four chases to the Panhandle coupled with local birding provided a list of 203 species for the year by January 31, 2010. I was only 122 species short of my year goal and I’d only been birding 31 days. Highlights for the month included Greater White-fronted Goose in Duval County, Brant in Nassau County (Fort Clinch), Cackling Goose in Wakulla County, Tundra Swan in St. John’s County, Common Eider in Flagler, Harlequin Duck in Brevard, Masked Duck in Brevard, Red-footed Booby in Dade, Buff-bellied and Calliope Hummingbirds in the Panhandle, Black-throated Gray Warbler in Palm Beach, Western Tanager in Dade and Green-tailed Towhee in Escambia County.

The distribution of Florida's 67 counties is shown here

When he made his attempt at finding 800 species in the ABA area in 1979, Jim Vardamann did considerable research and chose a pattern of being in locale X on a certain date, and locale Y on a different date. Jim ended the year with 799 species. A few years later when Benton Basham actually broke the record (with 814 species I think it was) he chose a different strategy. Benton focused on chasing rarities assuming they would only be in locale X a short while. When successful in seeing the rarity, Benton would then look for the more common local species adding them to his list. The strategy worked for Benton and I decided to employ it for myself in 2010. Other than birding locally I simply watched the list serves for news of a rare bird and chased them.

By February 28, my year list had swollen to 266 species including Vermilion Flycatcher in Okaloosa County.

March brought the first wave of migrant warblers and with them my year list increased by 51 new species to 317. At the end of March I was only eight species short of my year’s goal and my thinking began changing. If 317 species are this “easy” maybe I could see 350 for the year. It would certainly be in the realm of possibility. March highlights included Neotropic Cormorant in Wakulla County, Bar-tailed Godwit at Everglades National Park (of all places!), Surfbird in Levy County, Ash-throated Flycatcher in Alachua County, Loggerhead Kingbird and Thick-billed Vireo n Key West, and Townsend’s Warbler in Dade County.

April saw the beginning of Minor League baseball in Bradenton which caused me to change focus from birds to baseballs. Surprisingly the only Yellow Warbler I saw anywhere in the state during spring migration was singing from the roof over the bleachers at McKechnie Field in Bradenton during a Bradenton Marauders game! By the end of April my year list was at 360 species, surpassing the goal of 350 I had made just a month before and putting me within striking range of the state record of 374 set a few years earlier. Highlights for April included a Golden Eagle in Okeechobee County, Brown-crested Flycatcher in Pinellas County, and a Black-headed Grosbeak in Dade County.

The summer doldrums set in during May and bird activity declined markedly. I added only five new species in May bringing the year list to 365. The highlight of the month was the totally out of place Bahama Mockingbird in Pinellas County. I was able to get to DeSoto Park, tick the bird, and be back in Bradenton in time for the first pitch of a Bradenton Marauders game.

During June I added three species including the incredible Red-legged Thrush, a one-day wonder in Brevard County on June 1. I also added two “common” species I’d missed earlier in the year on yet another trip to the Panhandle. July saw more baseball than birds and in August I added two more including a Willow Flycatcher heard and then seen while bicycling one evening in a Sarasota golf development community. By Labor Day weekend my year list was at 370 species and holding.

September ended with 380 species. An American Golden-Plover in Volusia County tied the previous record of 374 species, and Ruff in Volusia on September 15 was 375. Other highlights for September included Sabine’s Gull in Volusia County, and Cuban Pewee and Western Spindalis in Dade County.

With three months remaining and all of them good month’s for migrants, I began thinking that maybe if everything fell in place it was possible to see 400 species in Florida in a calendar year.

Six species were added in October before I took off for a few days of chasing life birds in the Andes of Colombia. Back home in Florida the highlights were Groove-billed Ani in Franklin County, Sulphur-bellied Flycatcher in Escambia County, Bell’s Vireo in Franklin County and Yellow-headed Blackbird in Franklin County. My year list was at 386 at the end of October.

The Yellow-legged Gull at Ponce Inlet on November 27 was the only addition to the list in November.

“The” loon (Yellow-billed Loon) in Brevard County on December 21 was second only to the Red-legged Thrush as the most spectacular bird of the year. Other choice additions for December included Ross’s Goose in Brevard County, Lapland Longspur in Okaloosa County and Snow Bunting in Flagler County.

My last tick of the year was the Lapland Longspur in Okaloosa County on December 28. It brought my 2010 Big Year total to 391 species. Foolishly I left the Panhandle and drove back to Sarasota after seeing the Longspur that morning. On my return home in the evening I received an email informing me that an Allen’s Hummingbird was seen that day not very far from where I had been looking at the Longspur that morning. Faced with another 475 mile one way drive for a year bird I contemplated the run but my enthusiasm was telling me it had had enough for one year. I decided to stay home. If something good was to show up it had to be somewhere close to home. I was done with long distance chasing for the year.

I ended 2010 with a year list of 391 species in Florida far surpassing my early goal of 325 species and surpassing the state record by 17 species.

Seeing that many birds required 14 round trips to the Panhandle, four trips to Key West, seven to Miami and the Everglades, eleven trips to Brevard County, ten to Volusia County, and five to Duval and Nassau Counties. I put more than 28,000 miles on my car or more regularly on rental cars. I visited each of Florida’s 67 counties a minimum of five times during the year, slept in my car or in a hotel 69 nights and spent a little over $12,000 on gas, hotels, food and rental cars. During the year I added 36 species to my Florida list and added more county birds to more county lists than I care to enumerate. I also started county lists in places like Union and Washington and Liberty counties and other smaller, less birded locales. However I still came up short of the magic 400 species for a year.

Is it possible to see 400 or more species in Florida in a year? My experience this year told me it most certainly is. Because of several conflicting factors, I was not able to get on any pelagic trips this year out of the Ponce Inlet, Miami, or the Keys. And despite being in Key West four times I was never able to make a trip to the Dry Tortugas. Had I been able to get on at least one of those trips I think 400 would have been obtainable.

Based on what was posted on various bird list serves during the year, I missed seeing 18 species in Florida that were seen by someone somewhere in the state in 2010. Those included: Cinnamon Teal, Black-capped Petrel, Greater Shearwater, Manx Shearwater, Audubon’s Shearwater, Leach’s Storm-Petrel, Band-rumped Storm-Petrel, White-tailed Tropicbird, Masked Booby, Red Phalarope, Brown Noddy, Sooty Tern, Bridled Tern, Arctic Tern, Allen’s Hummingbird, Cassin’s Kingbird, Fork-tailed Flycatcher and Western Meadowlark

My experience in 2010 shows that if a lot of factors fall into place 400 species is certainly attainable and can be surpassed. Reliance on the five (or more?) bird list serves that blanket Florida is essential. All but one of the rarities I observed during the year, along with many of the highlighted species mentioned above, were found, documented and/or photographed by others and reported on the list serves. The one exception was a juvenal Golden Eagle sitting on a fence post along the road to Kissimmee Prairie Preserve State Park. In most cases I was able to find the rarities the day after the initial sighting was posted by someone else. When the Red-legged Thrush showed up in June, I received an email about it at 2:00 in the afternoon and by 5:30 that afternoon I was on the east coast looking at the bird. It was not seen again after that one day. The same held for the Surfbird near Cedar Key in March. Less than eighteen hours after its appearance on the list serve, I was paddling a kayak out to the island where it was still present.

Certainly 400 species and more can be found in Florida in a calendar year, however it will not be done by me. A Big Year chase like this is a once-in-a-lifetime project, and I’m too tired to think of trying again. I’ll just focus my attention on county listing and attend a lot more baseball games that I did in 2010.

My 2010 Florida Big Year list is reproduced below.

DUCKS, GEESE, AND WATERFOWL
Black-bellied Whistling-Duck
Fulvous Whistling-Duck
Greater White-fronted Goose
Snow Goose
Ross’s Goose
Brant
Cackling Goose
Canada Goose
Tundra Swan
Muscovy Duck
Wood Duck
Gadwall
Eurasian Wigeon
American Wigeon
American Black Duck
Mallard
Mottled Duck
Blue-winged Teal
Northern Shoveler
Northern Pintail
Green-winged Teal
Canvasback
Redhead
Ring-necked Duck
Greater Scaup
Lesser Scaup
Common Eider
Harlequin Duck
Surf Scoter
White-winged Scoter
Black Scoter
Long-tailed Duck
Bufflehead
Common Goldeneye
Hooded Merganser
Common Merganser
Red-breasted Merganser
Masked Duck
Ruddy Duck

NEW WORLD QUAIL
Northern Bobwhite

PHEASANTS, GROUSE, AND ALLIES
Wild Turkey

LOONS
Red-throated Loon
Pacific Loon
Common Loon
Yellow-billed Loon

GREBES
Pied-billed Grebe
Horned Grebe
Eared Grebe
Western Grebe

SHEARWATERS AND PETRELS
Cory’s Shearwater

STORM-PETRELS
Wilson’s Storm-Petrel

BOOBIES AND GANNETS
Brown Booby
Red-footed Booby
Northern Gannet

PELICANS
American White Pelican
Brown Pelican

CORMORANTS AND SHAGS
Neotropic Cormorant
Double-crested Cormorant
Great Cormorant

ANHINGAS
Anhinga

FRIGATEBIRDS
Magnificent Frigatebird

HERONS, EGRETS, AND BITTERNS
American Bittern
Least Bittern
Great Blue Heron
Great Egret
Snowy Egret
Little Blue Heron
Tricolored Heron
Reddish Egret
Cattle Egret
Green Heron
Black-crowned Night-Heron
Yellow-crowned Night-Heron

IBISES AND SPOONBILLS
White Ibis
Glossy Ibis
White-faced Ibis
Roseate Spoonbill

STORKS
Wood Stork

NEW WORLD VULTURES
Black Vulture
Turkey Vulture

OSPREY
Osprey

HAWKS, EAGLES, AND KITES
Swallow-tailed Kite
White-tailed Kite
Snail Kite
Mississippi Kite
Bald Eagle
Northern Harrier
Sharp-shinned Hawk
Cooper’s Hawk
Red-shouldered Hawk
Broad-winged Hawk
Short-tailed Hawk
Swainson’s Hawk
Red-tailed Hawk
Golden Eagle

FALCONS AND CARACARAS
Crested Caracara
American Kestrel
Merlin
Peregrine Falcon

RAILS, GALLINULES, AND COOTS
Black Rail
Clapper Rail
King Rail
Virginia Rail
Sora
Purple Gallinule
Common Moorhen
American Coot

LIMPKIN
Limpkin

CRANES
Sandhill Crane

PLOVERS AND LAPWINGS
Black-bellied Plover
American Golden-Plover
Snowy Plover
Wilson’s Plover
Semipalmated Plover
Piping Plover
Killdeer

OYSTERCATCHERS
American Oystercatcher

STILTS AND AVOCETS
Black-necked Stilt
American Avocet

SANDPIPERS AND ALLIES
Spotted Sandpiper
Solitary Sandpiper
Greater Yellowlegs
Willet
Lesser Yellowlegs
Upland Sandpiper
Whimbrel
Long-billed Curlew
Hudsonian Godwit
Bar-tailed Godwit
Marbled Godwit
Ruddy Turnstone
Surfbird
Red Knot
Sanderling
Semipalmated Sandpiper
Western Sandpiper
Least Sandpiper
White-rumped Sandpiper
Baird’s Sandpiper
Pectoral Sandpiper
Purple Sandpiper
Dunlin
Stilt Sandpiper
Buff-breasted Sandpiper
Ruff
Short-billed Dowitcher
Long-billed Dowitcher
Wilson’s Snipe
American Woodcock
Wilson’s Phalarope
Red-necked Phalarope

GULLS, TERNS, AND SKIMMERS
Sabine’s Gull
Bonaparte’s Gull
Laughing Gull
Franklin’s Gull
Ring-billed Gull
California Gull
Herring Gull
Yellow-legged Gull
Thayer’s Gull
Iceland Gull
Lesser Black-backed Gull
Glaucous Gull
Great Black-backed Gull
Least Tern
Gull-billed Tern
Caspian Tern
Black Tern
Roseate Tern
Common Tern
Forster’s Tern
Royal Tern
Sandwich Tern
Black Skimmer

SKUAS AND JAEGERS
Pomarine Jaeger
Parasitic Jaeger
Long-tailed Jaeger

PIGEONS AND DOVES
Rock Pigeon
White-crowned Pigeon
Eurasian Collared-Dove
White-winged Dove
Mourning Dove
Common Ground-Dove

PARROTS
Budgerigar
Nanday Parakeet
Monk Parakeet
White-winged Parakeet

CUCKOOS
Yellow-billed Cuckoo
Mangrove Cuckoo
Black-billed Cuckoo
Smooth-billed Ani
Groove-billed Ani

BARN-OWLS
Barn Owl

OWLS
Eastern Screech-Owl
Great Horned Owl
Burrowing Owl
Barred Owl
Short-eared Owl

NIGHTJARS AND ALLIES
Lesser Nighthawk
Common Nighthawk
Antillean Nighthawk
Chuck-will’s-widow
Eastern Whip-poor-will

SWIFTS
Chimney Swift

HUMMINGBIRDS
Broad-billed Hummingbird
Buff-bellied Hummingbird
Ruby-throated Hummingbird
Black-chinned Hummingbird
Calliope Hummingbird
Broad-tailed Hummingbird
Rufous Hummingbird

KINGFISHERS
Belted Kingfisher

WOODPECKERS
Red-headed Woodpecker
Red-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Sapsucker
Downy Woodpecker
Hairy Woodpecker
Red-cockaded Woodpecker
Northern Flicker
Pileated Woodpecker

TYRANT FLYCATCHERS
Olive-sided Flycatcher
Eastern Wood-Pewee
Cuban Pewee
Yellow-bellied Flycatcher
Acadian Flycatcher
Alder Flycatcher
Willow Flycatcher
Least Flycatcher
Eastern Phoebe
Say’s Phoebe
Vermilion Flycatcher
Ash-throated Flycatcher
Great Crested Flycatcher
Brown-crested Flycatcher
La Sagra’s Flycatcher
Sulphur-bellied Flycatcher
Tropical Kingbird
Western Kingbird
Eastern Kingbird
Gray Kingbird
Loggerhead Kingbird
Scissor-tailed Flycatcher

SHRIKES
Loggerhead Shrike

VIREOS
White-eyed Vireo
Thick-billed Vireo
Bell’s Vireo
Yellow-throated Vireo
Blue-headed Vireo
Warbling Vireo
Philadelphia Vireo
Red-eyed Vireo
Black-whiskered Vireo

CROWS, JAYS, AND MAGPIES
Blue Jay
Florida Scrub-Jay
American Crow
Fish Crow

LARKS
Horned Lark

SWALLOWS
Northern Rough-winged Swallow
Purple Martin
Tree Swallow
Bank Swallow
Barn Swallow
Cliff Swallow
Cave Swallow

CHICKADEES AND TITS
Carolina Chickadee
Tufted Titmouse

NUTHATCHES
Red-breasted Nuthatch
White-breasted Nuthatch
Brown-headed Nuthatch

CREEPERS
Brown Creeper

WRENS
Carolina Wren
House Wren
Winter Wren
Sedge Wren
Marsh Wren

GNATCATCHERS
Blue-gray Gnatcatcher

BULBULS
Red-whiskered Bulbul

KINGLETS
Golden-crowned Kinglet
Ruby-crowned Kinglet

THRUSHES AND ALLIES
Eastern Bluebird
Veery
Gray-cheeked Thrush
Swainson’s Thrush
Hermit Thrush
Wood Thrush
American Robin
Red-legged Thrush

MOCKINGBIRDS AND THRASHERS
Gray Catbird
Northern Mockingbird
Bahama Mockingbird
Brown Thrasher

STARLINGS
Common Myna
European Starling

WAGTAILS AND PIPITS
American Pipit

WAXWINGS
Cedar Waxwing

NEW WORLD WARBLERS
Blue-winged Warbler
Golden-winged Warbler
Tennessee Warbler
Orange-crowned Warbler
Nashville Warbler
Northern Parula
Yellow Warbler
Chestnut-sided Warbler
Magnolia Warbler
Cape May Warbler
Black-throated Blue Warbler
Yellow-rumped Warbler
Black-throated Gray Warbler
Black-throated Green Warbler
Townsend’s Warbler
Blackburnian Warbler
Yellow-throated Warbler
Pine Warbler
Prairie Warbler
Palm Warbler
Bay-breasted Warbler
Blackpoll Warbler
Cerulean Warbler
Black-and-white Warbler
American Redstart
Prothonotary Warbler
Worm-eating Warbler
Swainson’s Warbler
Ovenbird
Northern Waterthrush
Louisiana Waterthrush
Kentucky Warbler
Connecticut Warbler
Mourning Warbler
Common Yellowthroat
Hooded Warbler
Wilson’s Warbler
Canada Warbler
Yellow-breasted Chat

TANAGERS AND ALLIES
Western Spindalis

BUNTINGS, SPARROWS AND ALLIES
Green-tailed Towhee
Eastern Towhee
Bachman’s Sparrow
American Tree Sparrow
Chipping Sparrow
Clay-colored Sparrow
Field Sparrow
Vesper Sparrow
Lark Sparrow
Savannah Sparrow
Grasshopper Sparrow
Henslow’s Sparrow
Le Conte’s Sparrow
Nelson’s Sparrow
Saltmarsh Sparrow
Seaside Sparrow
Fox Sparrow
Song Sparrow
Lincoln’s Sparrow
Swamp Sparrow
White-throated Sparrow
Harris’s Sparrow
White-crowned Sparrow
Dark-eyed Junco
Lapland Longspur
Snow Bunting

CARDINALS AND ALLIES
Summer Tanager
Scarlet Tanager
Western Tanager
Northern Cardinal
Rose-breasted Grosbeak
Black-headed Grosbeak
Blue Grosbeak
Indigo Bunting
Painted Bunting
Dickcissel

TROUPIALS AND ALLIES
Bobolink
Red-winged Blackbird
Eastern Meadowlark
Yellow-headed Blackbird
Rusty Blackbird
Brewer’s Blackbird
Common Grackle
Boat-tailed Grackle
Shiny Cowbird
Bronzed Cowbird
Brown-headed Cowbird
Orchard Oriole
Bullock’s Oriole
Spot-breasted Oriole
Baltimore Oriole

SISKINS, CROSSBILLS,AND ALLIES
Purple Finch
House Finch
Pine Siskin
American Goldfinch

OLD WORLD SPARROWS
House Sparrow

--------- STATISTICS ---------
Species seen - 391
Families w/seen species – 63

Holiday Greetings from the Little Latitudes

2010 was a rather active year here on Florida’s Sun Coast filled with lots of bird watching, lots of baseball, a little travel, and the completion of writing another book.

January 1 2010 found me making the first of 11 trips to the “Redneck Riviera” otherwise known as the Florida Panhandle, to chase birds. I began the year hoping to topple the record of 374 bird species seen in Florida in a calendar year. By Christmas Eve I’d beaten that record with 390 species. In the process I was in each of Florida’s counties at least five times, drove more than 23,000 miles (it’s a long way from Key West to Pensacola), and spent 66 nights in hotels or the backseat of my car somewhere in the Sunshine State.

February brought the Baltimore Orioles to Sarasota for their first year of spring training, and March, when not chasing birds, was filled with spring training baseball games. The three best memories of the spring were watching David “Big Poppi” Ortiz from the Boston Red Sox hit a ball into orbit at City of Palms Field in Fort Myers, watching the Minnesota Twins go down to defeat every time I saw them play, and heckling a Philadelphia Phillies pitcher so relentlessly that he gave me the finger. Sweet!

In April the Bradenton Marauders, a Class A farm team for the Pittsburgh Pirates, made their debut in Bradenton. With season tickets I watched 68 of their 70 home games plus a few on the road. The Marauders made it to the playoffs in their first year which was very exciting to witness. I was able to expand my repertoire of baseball heckling phrases and eventually became known as the “Designated Heckler” by many of the Marauder fans and players.

Speaking of baseball heckling in September I finished the manuscript for my first novel. It’s titled “The Heckler” and it fictionalizes the 2009 season of the former minor league Sarasota Reds. It comes complete with lots of twists and turns and in the style of any good Florida mystery it leaves bodies strewn across the landscape.

International travel this year was restricted to a birthday jaunt to Medellin, Colombia. This was my fifth trip to Colombia and I spent five days in the central Andes of this much-maligned nation awestruck once again by the enormity of the Andes and by the beauty of its birds.

Plans for 2011 are rather fluid so far. Baseball spring training begins in just a few weeks and minor league games begin in early April. I have season tickets again for 2011 and plan to be directly behind home plate for every Marauder home game. The big travel plan for next year, to celebrate my 60th birthday on Halloween, is to spend 35 days birding and traveling in South Africa and its neighboring countries.

With this message I want to wish my friends and family a happy holiday season. Don’t forget to celebrate Jimmy Buffett’s birthday on Christmas Day, and I hope 2011 is even better for you than 2010.

December 23 in North Dakota History

December 23, 1983, dawned cloudless, cold and windy in Jamestown, North Dakota. I remember well waking that morning and turning on the local radio station only to learn that at 8:00 a.m. the temperature at the airport (which was one mile from where I was then living) was a brisk -42 degrees F. That's right. The air temperature was 42 degrees F below zero. The radio then reported that the horrific cold was accompanied by a sustained wind of 40 miles per hour. The wind had arrived on what was known as an Alberta Clipper. Making matters even worse, if that is possible, was the calculated wind chill of -106 degrees F. Yes, you read that correctly. The wind chill was one hundred six degrees below zero.

Twice in my then-young life in my home town in northern Wisconsin the temperature had reached -62 degrees (January 1 1974) and -60 (January 11, 1977). However and thankfully when it was that cold in Wisconsin there was no wind. The bitter cold was just that. In North Dakota on December 23, 1983, it was a different story.

By 11:00 a.m. I had been able to get my car started and it sat in the parking lot warming up. Back in my apartment my phone rang. It was a friend in Jamestown who lived with her three sons on the south side of Jamestown. She reported that she had plugged in her head bolt heater or block heater but despite it being plugged in and working, the horrific windchill had conspired to freeze her engine. She wanted to know if I would come over to see if I could get her car running.

I dressed entirely in wool and went to her house. I had on a wool watch cap, a wool scarf over my face, a wool shirt over an insulated undershirt, a woolen jacket, wool pants, wool socks, Sorrel boots (with their felt liners) and wool mittens under deer skin outers. I was ready for the Arctic. However I wasn't ready for -106 degrees F.

As diligent as I was in trying to start the car I could be outside only 5 minutes and then had to come in her house for 10 to 15 minutes to warm up. After two hours of this nonsense and despite being layered in wool, the wind was cutting through my clothes and I felt frozen to my skeleton. I gave up and went home. Carol's car started three days later when the temperature was a bit more hospitable.

I don't think I'll ever forget that day. A year to the day later I was in the Bahamas and a year after that in the Turks and Caicos Islands. Despite my Nordic heritage, and despite having grown up in the frozen north woods of Wisconsin, and despite this frigid day in North Dakota, my subsequent time in North Dakota convinced me that living in cold climates was not the thing for me. I wonder how much that day influenced my decision to now live among the palm trees in Florida where, as the Jim Morris song states, "75 is mighty chilly to me."

Pinheads in Mall Parking Lots

Once in Yellowstone National Park I watched a foolish tourist from New Jersey (isn't that redundant?) send his child up toward a female Moose and its calf so he could take a picture of his child standing next to these Moose. I was in a US government car at the time (complete with the emblem/target on the door) and jumped from that car and yelled at the tourist for putting his child in danger. After chewing his Cheney for being so foolish I stopped a National Park Service employee and reported what I saw and had done. I wanted him to know in case there was a report of someone in a government car harassing a tourist (because of their gross stupidity). The NPS employee laughed and then said not to worry. He added "When people leave home on a vacation they seem to leave their common sense at their driveway."

Have you ever noticed how the same maxim works in mall parking lots?

Take today for instance when I drove down to the shopping mall at the corner of Honore Avenue and Fruitville Road to grab a sandwich from Subway. With the sandwich in hand I left the Subway and returned to my car in the parking lot. As I got to my car (but before opening it) I noticed someone with Ohio license plates (why is it ALWAYS Ohio???) pull up and stop behind me. The driver had her left turn signal on indicating that she wanted to take my parking spot. It didn't matter that there were open parking spots several cars beyond where I was parked. She had her eyes set on my spot and she was going to park there come hell or high water.

Being retired and in no rush, I decided to change her plans a bit.

When I got to my car, instead of turning on the engine and leaving, I simply turned it on Sirius Satellite Radio Channel 31 and listened to Radio Margaritaville. I then took the turkey breast sandwich out of the bag and began to eat it while listening to Buffett music. Occasionally I would look over my shoulder. The Ohioan was still stopped there waiting for me to leave.

I kept on eating.

I had also purchased a small bag of Sun Chips and between bites of the turkey sandwich I'd take the occasional chip and pop it in my mouth.

The Ohio lady kept on waiting. However by now there were other cars lined up behind her waiting for her to move. She wanted my spot, however, and she would be damned if she was going to move.

I kept on eating.

Consuming the sandwich and the bag of chips took me 13 minutes (I know because I timed it on the car's clock). During the entire 13 minutes Ms. Ohio remained parked, engine running (wasting gasoline and putting pollutants into the air) with her turn signal flashing and cars behind her now blowing their horns.

Finished, I finally started the car's engine, put the car in reverse and slowly backed out of the parking space and drove south. As soon as I had moved away from my parking spot the Ohio lady darted in there and parked her car. To her it was worth 13 minutes of wasting gasoline to get that parking spot just five spaces from the entrance to the Mall. As I drove south from "my" parking spot, I noticed that there were several open parking spaces beginning just four cars away from where I ate lunch and made this person wait. Ms Ohio could have very easily driven four car lengths further to park 13 minutes earlier. However Ms Ohio probably doesn't know the meaning of the word "logic" or even how to find it in the dictionary.

There must be something really super special about the parking spot I occupied and she coveted. That, or this snowbird from Ohio is the latest glaring example of the sky-rocketing human stupidity quotient.

My guess is she's the latter.